eyes that feel, body that aches

Depth. Warmth. Mystery.
Too much. Too much of it. 
Sometimes i feel like I’m going insane.
For questioning—
the how i feel quite intensely
with no proper reasoning.
How the outsides quickly mirror the insides,
how the dreams manifest in real life,
how the symbols contradict
only to synchronize in time;
and how you never seek for signs
but have them knock on your door
way too many times.
How you sometimes deny
the magic and the fire
as it burns you to death
and to be rebirthed with its own light.
Dying and living—and a loop that is never-ending.
The crying to bed at night
and the waking up with swollen eyes that feel its aftermath.
No, I don’t see it.
I don’t see why.
But i was given two sides of the coin of life.
The duality of which, i have to master in time.
No, i don’t see it.
I don’t even get it.
But i was given this depth of feels to be felt,
and maybe not yet to understand
the sudden body signals,
the splenic insights,
and the ancient whispers of light.
No I don’t see it.
But the eyes that feel and the body that aches,
has always been right.

Becoming Who You Are | a dramatic video essay

If you’ve been craving to find meaning and understand yourself more, this video is for you. Knowing who I truly am is something I’ve struggled to understand for years, and coming out of that confusion has set me free and finally, I have put to words my contemplation around self-mastery thru this 8 min video of my own story of awakening. However, I intentionally made it short and metaphorical to not reveal all at once 😉

Click this link below 👇🏻

Tribal-15

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.

Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist.
Image Source: Jef Cablog

TRIBAL

Chapter 15

No Fear
BY Rabindranath Tagore
 
Where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken 
into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee
into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, 
let my country awaken.

Darkening Light ䷣

Zara weaved her way across the jungle floor near the edge of the cliff. Her senses enhanced from life as a tracker on planets too numerous to remember flooded her with sensations and scent. The panther that followed was an orb of silence where the sound of small creatures once chattered in gossip and song. The monitor lizard’s claws scratched across stone and roots of trees converging on her location.

Echoing in ears that could locate the drop of a pebble in a running stream came the clatter of metal and the hum of voices. Zara knew this was not the team of scouts she abandoned to the dispassionate whim of nature. Who was it then? At the edge of the cliff near the waterfall, a glance down into the bowl answered all her questions. Two natives clamored around the silver remnants of an Eosian escape pod, the one Sgt Hughes had come to destroy.

The half-breed heart pounded in Zara’s chest as she studied the two natives. Sgt Hughes would kill them outright and then destroy the spacecraft. Zara knew she couldn’t stop the men she had shared her life with since age 17. Freedom and the right to live with her mother’s people were all she wanted, not blood or vengeance. 

Below was Zara’s Tribe. She had to warn them before Hughes spotted them and ended their lives and her chance to join the fantasy of life her mother promised if someday she returned to their native lands on old earth. Wind wheezed in a constricted chest. Sorrow and longing filled the dark shadows of Zara’s memory at the sound of her mother’s voice, soft and dripping with her native accent reciting her village’s stories. The childlike pitch of her mother’s voice filled Zara’s thoughts with songs of ancestral deeds, deities, and the last gasp of breath before mom left Zara an orphan in the hands of the war. 

The tall figure, wild as the big cat tracking her, eased back from the abyss. There was no need to live long. She had come home and to die here among her ancestors free of indenture to her father’s blood was good enough. 

Zara whipped her body around in a blur as her laser ended the panther’s life in mid-leap, its mouth open wide and claws extended in a failed grasp at survival. The smell of burnt hair and boiled blood forced a snarl of repulsion from Zara as she hurried away from the scene. Reptiles the size of tree trunks adjusted their attention from the fleeting figure to the smell of blood wafting along on currents of air that breathed life into the jungle.

❂❂❂

The hacking sound of a parang through vines and brush fell to silence only a few meters upstream from Sgt. Hughes. The rushing water drowned out all sounds as it washed over boulders and trees fallen into the river.  Sgt. Holmes halted the men in a jumble of stones the size of houses that hid them from view.

“Damn slow going, Holmes said as he wiped the sweat from his brow with his sleeve. The salt in his uniform stung his skin and eyes. Take ten minutes and camel up on the water.”

The team relaxed and sipped water from their water bladders as they checked their weapons and supplies. Holmes looked at the map on his communicator and saw they had 200 meters to go before arriving at the bowl where they detected signals from the Eosian craft. He figured they could torch the ship, make a quick look around for survivors, and get the hell out of here. 

The place gave him the creeps. It had swallowed up Zara without a trace, and she was the most prepared of them all to face the jungle. Tough way to go for the girl, he thought. Hughes choked back his emotions. There would be others, but none like Zara.

“Carter take point. Report anything you see, and Carter,” Sgt. Hughes paused.

“Yes Sergeant.”

“Watch out for the damn wildlife around here. Everything is big, toothy, and hungry,” Hughes replied in a matter-of-fact tone that didn’t do much to boost Carter’s confidence.

“Fuck me to tears,” Carter replied under his breath as he leaned over and picked up the parang from his scout member and crunched his way across the river bed near the bank.  After 20 minutes of slogging through the low hanging brush, mud, and rocks, Carter halted the team and signaled Sgt. Holmes to move up to his position.

“Whacha got kid,” Holmes whispered when he was close enough to feel Carter’s wretched breath on his face as they lay side by side in the mud and debris at the edge of the water.

Carter pointed to some rocks that shielded the head and shoulder of a figure in the water. The soldier wore an Eosian Expeditionary Force flight uniform. The legs and arms moved and twitched as if treading water to hold a position. 

“What is he doing?” Carter asked.

“Let’s go find out,” Hughes replied. The sergeant slid off his tactical pack and load-bearing equipment without making a sound. He drew his bayonet and motioned to Carter to follow him. The two men eased into the water, and like countless times before, they made their way toward the figure in the water. Sgt. Hughes motioned for Carter to approach from directly behind while he would slide in hidden by the rocks. When they were in position, Sgt. Hughes counted down with three fingers, and then they lunged. The water exploded in the fury of violence.

Way back when i was four

Tears can’t help but fall,

For these wounds I’ve been trying to ignore;

All coming from a wrecked core,

That has been messed up way back when i was four.

That vivid part where i heard i wasnt enough and I wasn’t capable.

“It’s okay… It’s not their fault”

Lines i kept believing all along.

But heavens and hell do know,

How i wanted to blame them for it all.

But the heart, oh this heart, even though torn,

Keeps on choosing to see the beauty of it all.

I need to face this though.

This shadow of blame and frustration

That haunt me each moment i got stuck in this scary dark room of my emotions.

I need to face this though.

And stop performing well in this fake show

Of being okay with this situation.

I need to face this, and gather this black shadowy smoke,

Put it inside a bunch of colorful balloons,

Let go of its strings that i hold,

So they could fly above the sky,

And watch them fly away and become so tiny in my sight.

Looking above, I’d sigh and smile,

For choosing to face the shadow that got me terrified.

And only time, darling, give me time,

I know i will heal, at the right time.

Tears can’t help but fall,

But I’m not holding it in anymore.

A Poetic Message for the Visionaries

a work of art and a work of heart

Recently, I’ve been having this constant visits of ideas that pull me into creating more and more inspirational videos that promote love and authenticity for the most part. This one is a spoken-word poetry entry that I made for the visionaries out there who dream big and are so passionate about life. Hope this inspires you to stay true to what your heart is telling you to do and to embrace your visions without any inhibitions. And please, enjoy the flow of the visual representation. 🙂

Tribal-014

Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there anymore.

Robin Hobb, Fool’s Fate.
Image Source: Jef Cablog, Stream Dweller

Tribal

Chapter 14

Roads Go Ever On 
BY J.R.R. Tolkien
 
Roads go ever ever on,
Under cloud and under star.
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen,
And horror in the halls of stone.
Look at last on meadows green,
And trees and hills they long have known.

Difficulties 𝍔 & On The Verge 𝍓

Wet earth and decaying foliage could not hide the odor of smoldering death. Zara moved up from the gentle slope of the stream to an old trail used for many years. She examined the tracks along the path running in both directions and determined the marks were old. Only one human track was recent. It was a man as large as Sgt Holmes; only the imprint was from a foot clad in leather made from the python’s skin. A tribal man.

Zara followed the scent of death that beckoned her toward the opening of a large cave. A vibration in her tracking watch halted her search. Zara scanned the jungle around her as she felt three long pulses, code for where-are-you. She pressed the upper right button that sent her grid coordinates back to Sgt. Holmes, so he could get a fix on her location and move the squad up to where Zara was. She darted up the embankment to the cleft in the wall of stone and eased in. Steely eyes adjusted to the dark as Zara sniffed the hell welling out of the ground from an opening in the sandy floor.

Lying on her stomach, Zara peered into the hole, then pulled her laser baton, put it on low power with wide dispersal, and illuminated the narrow gap. Far below was water filled with skeletons of people and animals. It was an underground cave cut out from eons of rainwater flowing from the rock of the mountain above. She took off her tracking watch and threw it in the pit. She kicked the sand and made claw marks at the edge of the hole to make it look like a struggle took place. She saw the cave formed where the stone split open, and another stone fell and lodged overhead. She jumped up with the grace of the leopard, caught the ledge formed at the top and hand over hand, she traversed the cave, swung out on the left face of the exit, leaped to the right, and began to climb up the steep grade to the forest above.

I am free, she thought. I am free. Tears streamed down her face as her taut muscles strained in the climb until she could stand. Before her was the falls and the verdant valley she was told of by her mother. Zara paused to catch her breath and hurried into the jungle treeline to hide among the leopards, pythons, and giant lizards that hunted everything that moved. Holmes would not look for her if he fell for her ruse.

❂❂❂

The team stood dumbfounded around the hole where Zara must have fallen in. Somewhere trapped under all those bones and rotted clothing, hide and hair, Sgt Holmes’ dreams of settling down and raising a family evaporated into a vision of Zara’s last breath. He hid his emotions in a hardness that his men could not penetrate. The men bowed their heads with the shock of losing one of their own to this damned jungle doing a shit mission for a scared Colonel. “Let’s go, men. We have a job to do.”

“Do you want me to call it in, sarge?” One of the men asked.

“No, not yet. Let’s just keep going. Zara got us to the gorge; we’ll do the rest for her,” Holmes replied. He reached down to his radio transceiver and turned off the signal from Zara’s tracking watch.

The squad moved in silence along the river up the gorge toward the falls. Their anger and loss smelled bitter from the sweat that soaked their uniforms and gear. Murder filled their eyes that held only dispassionate boredom before.

❂❂❂

Ezra climbed out of the cockpit and looked at his finger. The drop of blood the health scanner had extracted would bring the giant lizards. He wiped his finger on a small stone and threw it on the other side of the river to distract the scaly beasts.

Rae hugged Ezra and thanked him for helping her. He smiled. For Tala Rae, he would do whatever her life demanded of him. Eggman, however, grated his nerves a little. This invisible demon must be a demigod, one of mischief. Ezra could see that Rae trusted and adored this enigma; he decided not to trouble himself with Ralph’s presence. When Rae released him from her embrace, Ezra walked downstream with the softness of Rae’s voice lingering in his mind.  He must do his duty to watch for predators and place his desire for Rae’s love in a safe place for later.

“Rae, you have to hear this. Get back into the seat and put the headphones on,” Ralph called out from the speakers in the cockpit.

“Why, What did you find?” Rae asked.

“Please hurry your bootie up,” Ralph pleaded.

“Ralph!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Captain. This damn spell checker AI for my text to speech converter is on the fritz again.”

“Can’t you turn that damn thing off and just go naked,” Rae scolded.

“By your command, I am naked as a newborn baby,” Ralph replied in his best obedient voice.

“That’s more like it, wait, what? Nevermind, what did the scan say?”

“Rae, Ezra is as healthy as they come. His biological age is about 22, but his chronological age is 34. He is one super-duper-uber dude, Rae.”

“That’s good to know,” Rae said, her voice trailing off into thoughts of Ezra in anticipation of something more disturbing coming next.

“His DNA is 99.8 percent the same as yours. He is Eosian, and genetic markers make him the son of Dr. Ramos, the explorer. His maternal record is indigenous Eosian origins.”

After a long silence, Rae strained under her breath. “Dr. Ramos disappeared 40 years ago on a mission just like ours.”

“And was never found,” Ralph added.

“That means Ezra has family back on Eos, Rae said. If we get rescued, I have to convince him to come back with us.”

“If we get rescued?” Ralph asked. His question hammered Rae. How would she break this to Ezra? Will he understand what this means?

Rae watched Ezra’s stoic face as her mind raced over what to do. She concluded as he walked up to check on her, she would not leave him, no matter what came their way.