Way back when i was four

Tears can’t help but fall,

For these wounds I’ve been trying to ignore;

All coming from a wrecked core,

That has been messed up way back when i was four.

That vivid part where i heard i wasnt enough and I wasn’t capable.

“It’s okay… It’s not their fault”

Lines i kept believing all along.

But heavens and hell do know,

How i wanted to blame them for it all.

But the heart, oh this heart, even though torn,

Keeps on choosing to see the beauty of it all.

I need to face this though.

This shadow of blame and frustration

That haunt me each moment i got stuck in this scary dark room of my emotions.

I need to face this though.

And stop performing well in this fake show

Of being okay with this situation.

I need to face this, and gather this black shadowy smoke,

Put it inside a bunch of colorful balloons,

Let go of its strings that i hold,

So they could fly above the sky,

And watch them fly away and become so tiny in my sight.

Looking above, I’d sigh and smile,

For choosing to face the shadow that got me terrified.

And only time, darling, give me time,

I know i will heal, at the right time.

Tears can’t help but fall,

But I’m not holding it in anymore.

5 Comments

  1. How powerful sound is when it forms a word when it is written and read when in the midst of our failures and shadows the word is said. No wonder our ancestors believed in magic, black and white, good and bad. Words and fists crush souls and topple nations. But there are no words more nurturing or more harmful than those spoken to a child. What is it within us that can lift us up and convince us that every word, every sound, every vision conjured in anger, frustration, and hurt has no power except in our belief that every word was true? Belief in the truth of ourselves and not in the shadow of others is when we stand firm and declare, I am good enough. I am all I need. Everything else in life is my careful selection to build the garden of my life and to sing my life’s song, not in darkness or shadow, but full in the light.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is absolutely true, Dan. Magic is words. Words cast magical spells when said, either good or bad, light or dark. I do believe in that too. And i guess, being aware of your childhood programing is enough for now, already a one step ahead than getting stuck with the shadow of obscurity forever. Healing, slowly, day by day, little by little 😌

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I agree. I tell myself with every task to big for me to do quickly, that I will get it done a little at a time. Healing is a powerful antidote for the wounded child that lives in many of us. A little at a time requires no miracle, just a desire to be whole again is enough to start.

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