It eats me, whole and alive. The underlying current of resistance. The stubbornness I could never hide. The rhythm of which is diabolic in nature—forcing me to struggle profoundly, before I could really learn the flow of its tune; the right notes, the perfect configuration.
It suffocates me, all of me. The scorching heat of ground pressure. The freezing coldness of the judgment I give to me. I push. I push hard. Understanding that my limits are high. I, in most cases, can’t measure this right. I ran out of breath. An image where I start to fear Death.
It liberates me, the child in me. The part where I can do whatever I want. Oblivious of the eyes of the guardians. Hmm. Fine—intently doing so and partly playing the game of a stubborn child. What’s in it for you, she asked. Playing, for the sake of playing the game, I replied.
It honors me, the fighter in me. It contributes to the never-ending loop of proving. To show off to me, in fact. I don’t need no audience nowadays, I reckon. The relationship I am trying to strengthen now is with the one I see in the mirror. Could sound narcissistic in nature, but one that prepares for the strong foundation of the tribe.
It reminds me, of my future. Of purpose—of what I’m here to do and what I signed up for. Of the unbreakable soul contract. The destiny of the matriarch. Thus, the fighter fights. The fighter perseveres. The fighter stands back up as it was supposed to be. The fighter fights, over… and over again.
Apple Rae 
I adore this post, Apple. The IChing gate of 38 and the art is sublimely powerful in its message as is your poetic account of your internal struggle. The Child, the Matriarch, the Noble Warrior all combine to declare here I am, this is me. I am strong, I am resilient and I will fight. We rarely examine the Warriors moments of doubt and weakness. These are the building blocks of his or her will and courage. By overcoming we thrive. I see this arise in your poem and in you. Well done!
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Thank you very much Dan. Your support means a lot to me.
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Maybe this is a good place for creativity to bloom once again 😉🌺
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Excellent piece about a fighter, Apple.
Your last line reminds me of the closing lyrics of the Simon and Garfunkel song The Boxer,
“In the corner stands a boxer and a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminder of every glove that laid him down
And cut him until he cried out in his anger and his shame,
“I am leaving, I am leaving”
But the Boxer still remains.
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Hi Chris, thank you so much. I think I must listen to that song. I love boxing too but have stopped doing it for a while now. How is everything there in Canada? In here, everyone’s crazy with the new variant spreading. Hope all is well with you!
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I’m now renting a room in a trailer where one of my roommates has 3 cats.
I never had daily and nightly contact with cats before.
I’d never run out of writing material if I wrote about them. 😅😂🤣
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That’s so interesting! I find cats the most sophisticated of all animals. Do you like them? They’re more manageable than dogs, aren’t they?
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