Circling thoughts

Today, I felt empty. I buried my face on the table where I write, with my hands and arms reaching for one another like they both needed that warmth, that hug that could maybe lessen the intensity of the pain I have inside. I listened carefully to the chaotic rhythm my tears make as they run down my cheeks and each time it drops to the surface of the table like a raw melancholic beat. Tears that created a melody that nearly lulled me to sleep—that aftermath of crying that makes you want to just close your eyes, hoping for a beautiful dream that you believe show signs.

But then you realise that the things in your head still want you to keep blinking and think more and more til you reach that certain level of restlessness. I am restless, my mind exactly. Not sure whether it’s the right part of my brain that makes my head ache for the flood of words that wanted to escape or if it’s the Amygdala who confuses itself for the battle of emotions that fight against each other to find out which one stands out best. Perhaps, the latter. The war each and everyone of us create can sometimes get too damaging, worse yet, it could make you feel so down and even depressed. Needless to say, I reached that phase of downhill, of rockbottom, of almost losing yourself as you drown your own aching body to the bottomless ocean of agony you thought existed.

Truth is, it’s all in my head. I knew it’s not real when something invisible poked me in the head that made me release my face from drowning in its own tears. Something that cannot be seen, like maybe an angel who whispered to me saying, “you have to look up”, thus I did. I looked up and looked out the window from my left. There I saw a rainbow that showed up like a unicorn passing by with a full smile on his face. Why, I asked myself, does the rainbow suddenly filled my emptiness? And is it really the rainbow that made me feel better or it’s just me wanting to use that rainbow as a tool to lift my spirits up and keep on fighting?

Sometimes, we know where to find the answers but our fears don’t allow us to get there as swift as we want to. Perceiving the road as dark and scary instead of looking at it as a trail of colours with such extraordinary beauty. Some days it’s okay to be empty, it’s actually an opportunity for you to seek for ways to fill your heart with gratitude as you search for the signs you’ve been praying for. But please, don’t stay there. Stop doing that to yourself. Get up and fight the voices in your head that kills your confidence. Hasn’t everyone told you yet that it’s in your hands? Isn’t it too cliched already if I say that the choice is yours to make? Cliched or not, I’ll say it over and over again to strengthen that belief system we all need to guide our way. The power you used that made yourself feel miserable for the nonexistent fears that has lead you to such disastrous episodes is nothing compared to the power you have to turn everything around. You decide your own destiny. Shape it the way you want it with the guidance of God who knows what’s best. Everything’s going to be alright, trust me.

***

Photo credit: Pinterest

Over-flawed skin, pure strength within

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She perused all her parts,

there she saw a woman full of scars.

Scars that mirror the wars she fought

and flaws naturally scattered in all sorts. 

 

No filter could fit, to really cover them zits

But don’t you know she’s loved for it?

Loved for these scars she can never delete.

 

A manifestation of absolute valour,

with her vibrant eyes focused on the colours

she never capitulated though odds weren’t in favour.

Battled ’til the end, despite carrying no armour.

 

She’s truly a woman with an “over-flawed” skin,

but such, with pure strength within.

 

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Lost Soul (Part 4)

 

 

lostsoul3

I heard another sound that made my heartbeat pound like a non-stop drum from a marching band. It’s no longer just a branch of tree falling but stones being thrown at my shack! I remained still and silent, my back leaning at the improvised door I made while i grasp my knife with both hands. If it’s the Ha La Lau, my plan, ever since I came here, was to jump over him and stab that creature in his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to see me as I run away and then just find a new place to build a new home. Living in this peculiar world for such a long time, I have learned how to survive and I will never let any ugly creature take my life away. No, never.

On the third sound that was louder than the first two, whether it’s a bigger stone or a stronger force I wasn’t really sure, I got more tensed. I’m 100% certain someone’s throwing it at my house and that I have to do something. With unending drops of sweat onto my neck up to my lap, I peeked through the small hole from where I sit and peered into the darkness. After a thorough search from the west side of my shack, where the stones were thrown at, I found nothing. Not until I saw a hand that released the fourth powerful strike—dang! it hit the bull’s eye! For some weird reasons, I was able to anticipate it would get through the hole so even before it could hit me, I moved back and rolled like an action star who successfully missed a gunshot.

Oh my God! I’m still fuck*n’ nervous but the thought of seeing a hand that resembles that of human’s, calmed my nerves a little bit. What if there’s another human being trapped in here just like me? But how sure I am that the hand who threw them stones was of a person’s? I walked silently like a frog to reach for the stone at the other end of my tiny house and I couldn’t help but to wonder why it doesn’t look like a stone. Ain’t a stone supposed to be black? This one looks like it was covered with white crumpled paper even from afar. When I reached it, I scrutinized it before touching it worried that there could be some magical spell and as I look closer to this stone as big as a baby’s fist, I saw some symbols from the paper covering it. I have this gut feeling that this is a positive message so I held it while I cover my face with my left hand, afraid that it could be a bomb but when I carried it and heard no explosion, I released a deep sigh of interim relief. I straightened out the crumpled white paper and this is how it looks like:

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I have no idea how he (if he’s a “he”, or if he’s actually a person) was able to wrap this symbolic piece of paper but all I know is I have to decipher it. It’s obviously not English but I know this means something of significance. What if this could be my ticket to go back to Earth? Anyhow, I have to find out first where this came from and who that mysterious messenger is.

Leaving the stone behind, I folded the paper and put it in my pocket. I gathered all the courage I have saved in this planet and armored myself with it as I walked outside to search for that messenger. I examined the dark surroundings and walked tiptoed, trying to make no sound and staying alert and attentive all the time. After a couple of minutes of search, a sweaty hand grabbed me by my arm it lifted me from one place to another, like a ball that has bounced from the surface of the earth. The force was too strong I thought he was a giant or a monster but the fact that the hand was sweaty indicates he’s human. And I was hell right. He was hugging me from behind, his right arm clamped in my waist while his left hand covered my mouth ’cause I couldn’t help but to scream femininely as I tripped over.

“Shhhh. The monsters will hear you and we’re dead” whispered the guy with a face I haven’t seen yet.

“Who are you? Are you human too? Are you trapped here as well?” I moved back and saw a shirtless man looking like a caveman with long brown hair same as Tarzan’s with a bizarrely long beard I can hardly see his face.

“I am, but hang on, let’s go to my hideout first before I answer all your questions. Did you bring the piece of paper from the stone?” asked the man, while he kept on looking around, perhaps checking if a Ha La Lau heard my scream.

“Yes, it’s with me.”

“Alright then, let’s go.”

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This is another contribution to a writing challenge my dear friend Bartek has created again to combine creative minds from around the world. So happy to be part of this and so thrilled to read the next parts. Please click on the link below so you can see how this story started. Please let us know if you’re challenged enough to do the next part through the comments. Maybe make a romantic twist? Or a magical one? It’s all up to you. 🙂 Thanks for reading!

Part 1 by Enni

Part 2 by Joker

Part 3 by Bartek

(Photo credit to the owner)

You’re here, always here.

1430997217-girl-thinking-of-him-in-bus-dp-file-www.wallpaperg.comDon’t you know it’s but a challenge?

To keep my eyes shut for a moment?

Don’t you know how deep it cuts?

Each time I see you with mere limits of the mind?

You’re here, always here.

I can see you, it was as lucid as the rain that makes me shiver.

I would then reach out to hold you,

but just like rain, I couldn’t seem to touch you.

Still, you’re here, always here.

You never ceased to disrupt my head.

Like the knight in the movie, my brain did create

like an ache that deepens with the smell of your flesh

like an old photograph that is nostalgic, but less.

What power do you possess?

for appearing in my head that requires no presence?

What spell did you cast?

I need to break it, yes I must.

Because you’re here, always here…

And now I’m clouded with a bunch of fear.

 

#fiction

(Photo credit to the owner)

 

 

How can I make a masterpiece?

You were supposed to write something.

But you couldn’t fathom why your mind is overflowing

With too much lists and codes, too much worries—it’s disgusting.

So you end up staring at your laptop,

fingertips ready to dance with the keypad,

eyes glued to the screen, chair’s heating up for real.

You’ve been planning to write something,

but no swift thought can satisfy your brain’s craving—for something original, something unclichéd that could mean a thing.

Then you turn to a book you were reading, hoping for the light bulb to say, ting!

Unfortunately there’s still nothing.

Is this a mere writer’s block or but pure folly?

Nonetheless, you really want to write something,

so you thrust your whole being to ponder thoroughly, to dig for ideas tremendously

But your disoriented mind is not helping.

It’s when your heart start pounding, that you realize what’s missing.

You forgot to listen to your heart, as your mind overrule you with boring facts and schemes.

It was saying something.

What did it say?

Your heart says it’s in pain.

You then grabbed this time your pen and paper,

jotting down each word your heart dictates.

You didn’t mind if it’s basic and plain, if it lacks pompous adjectives or peculiar adverbs

All you care is what your heart is telling you to create.

You didn’t mind how the readers would react.

It’s merely for the purpose of bursting them feelings out.

You then finish the piece out of sheer signals from the heart.

Making you discern it’s not hard after all, it only takes a heart that speaks to make a such masterpiece.

(Photo credit to owner)

A flawless you

arvypainting

He looked at me twice like oh-em-gee I didn’t see that coming.

The nonchalant glance saying…

I see you staring at me all the time,

saying…

I know what’s running on your mind,

saying…

I know you have a crush on me, so don’t hide.

This is what I like about him—he’s the silent type,

the shy but looking-like-a-genius kind.

He’s a little snob, heedless of my presence sometimes

But I find it sexy so I don’t really mind

He’s like the most gorgeous unpredictable guy I’ve seen ever.

Oh dear, can I just own you forever?

I tried to look away but my eyes keep coming back to him.

Maybe they merely enjoy the scene—them chinese eyes and thick brows, his perfect hair and tiny nose, and his subtle cheeks…

I’ve been wanting to smell and kiss.

Tell me how not to fall for you?

When all i see now is a flawless you.

 

(Special thanks again to my partner in life, Arvy for his original digital painting above.)