My #500km2018challenge

This is the very first time I’m going to disclose something about myself. Most of my recent posts are fiction and a few commented on my short stories asking if those were my stories. So I decided to write something that will give you a hint of my complex self. My story—just one story though, no big deal.

I’m going to talk about my obsession for running and my goal for this year. I say obsession, like my constant longing for sweets, because I keep coming back to it—despite the unbearable physical pain (at times) as an effect of overdosed running 😂

Since most of it is off record, I decided to track the number of kilometers I want to accomplish using this amazing app called Strava. It’s hashtag 500km2018challenge, #40kmpermonth #10kmperweek. Is this even achievable?

(Note: We use km rather than miles in the Philippines)<<<<
like any goal you set, if you start with the right mindset, there's no way you wouldn't achieve it. I see you rolling your eyes now for this cliché but I'll say it anyway—A right mindset comes from the inside out and not the other way around. Yup, it's about the favorite three-letter-word of Simon Sinek, Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy or even Steve Jobs and them most influential motivational speakers you've heard—it's the WHY. Why did you set that goal in the first place? If you have a concrete answer to this, you’re now done with the first step.

<<<<
ated this fitness goal basically for both health and physical improvement. It's important for me to maintain a firm body now that my metabolism starts to slow down cos yup, I'm getting older 😅 My sugar level elevates from time to time as well so I need to burn them to death.

Second, slice your goal into small pieces so the whole pie you have to consume won't look like a tough job.

I divided the 500km to 12 months and that gives me 41.66—i rounded it off to 40km, then 10km per week. Now the goal looks more achievable from this perspective, doesn't it?

(I did 11.4km for this week, exceeding my target of #10kmperweek) Third, reward yourself. No more illuminating on this one because apart from your answer to the why you set this goal, you should not be hard on yourself too. I’d treat myself a dessert every month once the #40kmpermonth is accomplished.

(My boyfriend designed this cute voucher so I have something to look forward to every month.) Once I’m done with the #500km2018challenge, I’ll buy myself a ticket to Seoul because I really want to go back there. I usually get to travel abroad due to company’s incentive but this time it’s going to be my Solo Trip to Seoul all expense paid by me 💁🏼‍♀️ Yay!

Lastly, write your goals down and if you can, post it in your wall. (This is apparently not new to you but I’m talking about myself anyway so 🤷🏻‍♀️) This visual reminder will keep you on track. Been doing this for quite some time now and i reckon it has been effective 👌🏻

(Please don’t mind the scratches and the other goals above. But notice that i prefer the verb to be in present tense just to highlight that I’m ACTUALLY “doing it”, not “will do it” not “have done it” yet.)
Now that I’ve
s particular goal for the year, there will be no excuses smooches. It’s going to be embarrassing if I didn’t hit it so this is absolutely non-negotiable. Talking about your goals will give you more confidence and it gives you the energy to attract the universe to help you reach it. Talk about it in the most modest way possible.

PS. Remember, when you publicize your goal, do it for yourself and not to please others. If by chance you didn’t hit it it’s okay—you can revise and reset it anytime you want. 😉  

The missing piece

For a moment, she closed her eyes. Even before she could open her mouth so she can tell Him her agonies, her heart spoke to her and said, He knows what you’re going through. It’s not something atypical, it’s a relatively old feeling. It usually happens to her when she starts overthinking, when she worries about tomorrow, when she’s incapable of adding words to form a message that could describe her current painful stage. God knows precisely what she’s thinking, what’s been bothering her. He told her, Just be patient.

She has almost everything she could ask for. But there’s only one thing that’s untraceable, nowhere to be found. It seems as though destiny has been playing with her heart for a quarter of a century now. She’s trapped in a list of several facets. She’s poisoned with a smell of false hopes. She’s blinded by some inauthentic human behaviour. Hence she’s literally clueless of how and where to find it.

God can read her mind. He knows how much she worries about finding it. He knows how confused she gets, everytime there’s divergent faces of options lined up before her eyes. He knows when to speak to her whenever she falls onto the ground. Just like what He did just today.

And she recurrently falls heavily—with so much gravity that pulls her down. He saw her almost drowning in her ocean of tears. Ironically, He heard a loud shriek from her but it carries no sound.

She cursed her whole being, overlooking the bountiful fruits that surround her. Oblivious to the flowers that bloom despite her pain. She forgets everything else whenever she remembers that piece of puzzle that seemed to be so tough to find.

She almost capitulated to the idea of finding it. She’s even quite uncertain if the piece exists in the first place.

And then she closed her eyes again. In a few seconds, the wind blew all the strength it has to be able to lift her. It destroyed the sinister scene she created due to the negative voices that broke her. It blew hard she was thrown on the surface of the universe and it hit her. It hit her hard. It was painful—but a kind of pain she needed to wake up from a live nightmare. Like ice cold water busted upon her dreary face. Like some electrical shots given to her at such a high frequency.

She was awoken by the wind God used as an instrument to remind her of the beauty of life. That it’s beautiful inspite the enigma of an incomplete puzzle. That the missing piece is just out there, that one day she’s going to be able to touch it—she just have to keep the faith.

(Photo grabbed from Pinterest)

Prisoner of a faulty love

I enjoy staring at you when you’re oblivious of my presence. It’s but a chance for me to study your face, to memorize each move, to hear the voices within you—they keep on telling me to leave you, but I used to ignore all of them.

And then you’d catch me staring—hence you’d give me that wonted nonchalant smile, the kind that is inexplicably bizarre to me. A kind of smile I couldn’t correctly decode, a kind of smile I succumbed into, when it first showed up, in that park where I met you.

I enjoy looking at you despite the fact that you wouldn’t do it to me the way i do. I stare at you as if I won’t see you again—’cause I know mornings with you is vague and uncertain.

Then last night you said, I can’t leave her. I shouted at you, cussed you, hurt you. But you put an end to the war I created, using the same line you just said in the beginning of it—I can’t leave her.

Why can’t you?

I asked this to you, but no words came out of me. This query seemed so heavy, my strength is not enough to say them clearly. It’s outright lucid to me, that I am that girl you would go to, just when you’re feeling blue.

But today something’s telling me how wrong this is.

I know…

I am that girl who patiently waits for you but it’s getting tedious.

I am that girl who listens to you when no one else could, but now it’s suffocating.

I am that girl who loves you despite your blemishes, but now it’s making me sick.

I whined for the things you should have done, I craved for the words you should have said. I kept on believing there could be a change. But there’s none, guess I was insane.

I was insane—for I hoped one day you look at me the way I look at you. But now that I’m staring at you, your body seemed to be telling me that there’s no way you would ever do.

I wished that maybe one day you’ll make me first. But your heart seemed to be telling me—I only fit to number two.

Been looking at you for almost an hour now and you’re sleeping like a baby–you’re fully incognizant of what’s going on my mind, of my plan to escape.

Been couple of years since you jailed me in this house, it’s shaky already, it’s no longer enough for me.

I thought to myself, it’s time to leave, ’cause I have to live.

To live normally, to love conventionally, to find someone else who could make me his top priority.

I silently opened the drawer, picked up that old sepia colored piece of paper, wrote a five word message that said, “I deserve better than this.”

I put the note in our bed, at the side I usually slept in whenever he’s here.

I hurriedly packed my things, with no more thinking, no more hesitating.

I went to the door carrying a heart that’s crushing, trying to stop the tears from bursting, persuading my whole being to never look back again.

Before I could manage to close the door, before I reward myself of such freedom, I looked at him one last time.

In my head, I thanked him. I wouldn’t be able to know my worth if I didn’t let it melt with his hands, if I didn’t give my all to him.

I lost myself in the bed of this wrong love. I lost everything and that’s when I figured it’s time to flee.

Just like realizing one’s importance, not by its presence, but by the mere absence of it.

This is why you should write daily

It all started when I was around six years old. I used to write crappy stories in a piece of paper which I often fold horizontally into two so it could have like a cover where the title is shown with some ridiculously kiddie drawing below. Stories like the “princess and the mouse”, “the dog and cat who always fight” and a lot more funny titles to name. It was just a hobby, really. Until I learned how to create a diary where I would religiously share almost everything that happened in my life every single day. For 12 years now, I still maintain a journal with me- apart from this blog, just to share my thoughts and feelings daily. It was a hobby turned into a habit, a habit turned into zeal.

How do you feel everytime you get to write something? It makes you feel some sense of relief, right? Just like opening up to a friend, writing whatever it is in your mind will make you feel lighter. Whether you write for a living or it’s literally just a hobby, writing things down is very beneficial to you. I don’t know about you but each time I get to write something, there were positive signals being sent to my brain that’s pushing me to feel great. You don’t really have to be the best writer, neither your writing  has to be grammatically perfect nor it has rules that you have to abide. All you need to do is to be completely honest with yourself—understand your current state of mind whilst juggling words that would eventually create an idea.

If you feel happy today, write it down! If you experience some sort of pain and it bothers you, write it down! If you know something that you want other people to learn about, write it down and post it. Writing everything down is like having a voice without a sound but you know what? It ironically impacts the loudest.

According to dailyinfographic.com, when you are writing things down, you are stimulating a collection of cells in the base of your brain known as the Reticular Activating System. The RAS is the filter of all the information your brain needs to process and it gives more attention to what you are currently focusing on. The physical act of writing brings the information to the forefront and triggers your brain to pay close attention. Thus, writing things down help us remember more. They also believe that writing serves as a calming and meditative tool and has been identified as a helpful stress coping method.

It’s through writing that you will get to create a message that you never thought you’d be able to send. It doesn’t matter if as of today no one follows you neither if someone reads your content. The idea of writing is to initially do it for yourself. If you’re doing it to be of service to people or to reach a certain number of followers and not a lot of readers have heard you yet, don’t lose hope. Just friggin’ write every waking day of your life.

Don’t think about what other people’s judgment will be. As clichéd as it may seem, but just do it. Nevertheless, don’t mind the clichés experts say you need to avoid so that people would read your content. Keep on writing and do not stop. Don’t let overthinking ruin your chances of forming a bright idea. Treat your brain—get a pen and paper or a laptop or a even just your phone, NOW. Write them thoughts down to relieve that stress inside you and you will see a better version of yourself, after creating a habit of writing daily. Happy writing!