Liebster Award

liebster-award

I woke up this morning with a smile all over my face and a rainbow all over my place for this amazing blogger named Matthew G. who nominated me for this Liebster Award that I’m not sure if I deserve or not. But anywho, I’m encouraging everyone to please take time to visit his blog especially if you’re looking for some in-depth, heartfelt poems and creations that will definitely hit you deep in your soul. He’s one of the most passionate writers I’ve come across in just almost a month of blogging.

Yes, I’m a rookie in the blogosphere thus this award really makes me feel overjoyed. This was the second time I felt appreciated so I’d like to thank these two wonderful writers Enni and Matthew for the Blogger Appreciation Award and this Liebster Award respectively.

What’s the Liebster Award?:

It’s an award in which bloggers nominate other bloggers for showing respect to their works and their dedication. It’s an appreciation and recognition for all the fellow bloggers out there in the blogosphere.

 

Rules:

1. Thank the blogger who nominated you in your blog post and links back to her blog.

2. Answering 11 questions that the Blogger asked you.

3. Nominate 11 new bloggers to receive the awards and write them 11 questions.

4. List the rules and display the Liebster award logo in your post on your blog.

 

For Rule #1:

Again, thank you so much from the deepest layers of my soul for nominating me for this award, Matthew. I love all your works and I look forward to more posts from you!

For Rule #2:

Questions:

1. The natural even e.g natural cataclysm that suits to describe your personality, explain briefly why?

I’m an introverted extrovert—gregarious but sometimes prefers to be alone in my own world of imagination. Paradoxical, I know. Haha.

2. Any particular goal/dream related to writing or blogging?

Yes, I’d like to publish a pyschothriller novel in the future.

3. Weirdest thing you have ever done – details, please!

Uh oh this is a little tough to answer because I do a lot of weird things on a daily basis, being a weird person myself! Haha.

4. Misconception people believe, but you know the truth. Share something wise for us to grow smarter!

It’s a misconception that people think you don’t need to improve your memory as we age ’cause I think that if you can master the ways to develop your memory you will have a massive and positive change in your life and it will make you smarter. Just like what one of my favorite authors Kevin Horsley have focused on in his book called Unlimited Memory, regardless of the level of IQ you currently have, you can improve it just by following the methods he wrote in his book.

5. A hobby you like and the thing you fear most?

A hobby I like is running and the thing I fear most is death.

6. City or village, why?

City. Maybe because I’ve been living in the city my entire life and I like it here. Lol.

7. Would you rather be the villain or a hero?

The Villain with a heart of a hero.

8. Zodiac and your sign. Tell us if you believe in common belief of zodiac signs?

My sign is Sagittarius and yes I’m a believer of the Zodiac’s interpretation of personalities in each sign and the distinction of one to another.

9. Share a music you would recommend to me. I’m picky, be aware!

We came from a two different countries so I didn’t know if you’d like this one but my recent favorite Artist is The Weeknd and his song called Die For You.

10. What is your favourite eye colour? Mr Curious wants to know.

Blue because I have brown eyes and blue-eyed people are unusual in my country or in Asia in general.

11. Try to pick 3 words that describe me, based on my blog. Funniest is the winner!

Romantic, Soulful and Intelligent.

For Rule#3:

Here are the list of Nominees for the Liebster Award:

  1. Noor
  2. Enni
  3. George F.
  4. My Valiant Soul
  5. Padmkant Upadhyay
  6. DA-AL
  7. Ankit
  8. Lucas
  9. Melissa
  10. Bartek D.
  11. Jay Kaushal

Here are my 11 questions for you:

  1. If you’re given a round trip ticket for free and you can choose any country, what will that be and why?
  2. What is your best physical asset?
  3. Hot shower or cold shower? And why?
  4. What/Who inspired you to start your blog and what/who inspires you everyday to keep on writing?
  5. Name your top 5 favorite books of all time.
  6. If you’re going to be a teacher or a professor, what will you teach?
  7. If you won a million dollar today, what will be the first thing you’ll buy and why? 
  8. Define a good writing style or a great blog post.
  9. What’s that one thing you should have done today that you procrastinated to do?
  10. Do you follow any particular diet? If yes, please share the details.
  11. What hurts you the most?

 

So there! I’ll be waiting patiently for the nominees’ response to this. Thank you very much.

 

 

The psychoweirdo’s voice

Do I really have to apologize for it? For being emotionally wrecked, for being entirely true to myself, for pursuing these sexual urges and for the poison in my head filled with strong trust issues? Do I have to abide by the rules of relationships and pretend to be the cool girl the society expects me to be? I ain’t doing that shit. I deserve to live by my own independent laws about how to have a full life. A life that won’t forbid me to do the things that satisfy my skin’s cravings for some touch. A kind of choice that eases the pain of being alone but I didn’t want that to last long, being with someone that is. It makes me feel ecstatic to be caressed by married men, by them bad guys who needed some punishment. But ironically speaking, I cringe to the idea of a long term bond, a serious relationship with only one man—it smells like a disastrous thought to begin with. I’ve always been true to myself but I’ve been lying to them for the most part. One of the most pretentious things I’ve ever done that I’m never guilty of is the lie that I had feelings for them. Ha ha! I’m a professional actress by nature. Most guys fall for my emotional acts, for the tears I faked before I would have to leave, for my big brown puppy eyes I was naturally blessed with that tickles their poor hearts. I ain’t sorry for them, I will never ever be. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, neither do I generalize men as playboys and idiots. Most of them are but I also would like to believe that there could be some who are decent enough to be loved. It’s just that, I don’t like the idea of it, of love that is. Of what the books have presented me, of what fairy tales have fooled me when I was little. Perhaps it’s not only that I don’t like it, I guess it’s merely because I haven’t really felt it. Sometimes I wonder if it’s really kind and if it’s really patient, I wonder if it’s truly powerful.

Last night, I met this guy by the name of Robbie that I slept with almost a couple of weeks ago when I was in New York. I moved in to San Francisco now and I was surprised to see him seemingly lurking around the dark flashy bar I was in. I had a feeling he was there to see me but I brushed off that thought in me. When I see no signs of him, I hastily made my way out of the place and waved for a taxi. Just by the time I opened the cab door, he abruptly appeared out of nowhere and strongly grabbed me by the arm and apologized to the driver then shoo him away. I get off of his hand that was somehow stuck into my arm then looked at him puzzlingly.

He gestured me to follow him and we sat to the bench near the colorful fountain by the park. His dominance honestly turns me on but his silence irritates me so I broke it in a very calm way.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. Or maybe something.”

“Huh. What is it?”

“I lied to you.”

“About what?”

“I ain’t married.”

“So?”

“And you’re the first woman I ever slept with”

My mouth slightly opened with this surprising news but I still managed to maintain a poker face. I pretended I didn’t care and said,

“So?”

“I always see you there, in this bar in New York. I chatted with the bearded bartender once when you weren’t around and I asked about you. He told me this gossip that you only sleep with married men and bad boys, so I decided to pretend like one, I even wore a fake ring to make it look real. I had to do that so I could get closer to you, so I could ascertain what I feel for you.”

“Haha nice story. Go on.”

“The first time I saw you was one Tuesday evening, 11th of November. You were wearing that shiny silver plunging dress. I thought you were really gorgeous, like what everyone else thought in that place. But I didn’t want to sleep with you when I saw you that night. I just enjoyed watching you giggle with the guys you were flirting with, I even daydreamed of stealing you from them and talking to you alone by the beach. I went home with a huge smile on my face and it remained in there everytime you cross my mind. I don’t know what this is, but I’m certain that it’s not merely sex that I want from you.”

I suddenly felt a pinch in my soul, not because I believed him, but because for the first time ever, it sounded so real. I have somehow memorized how the bad guys behave, thus his actions are quite foreign to me. If he is not a bad guy, nor a married man, then what is he? A nice guy? Oh no. This ain’t possible. I’ve just broken the code of promise I made to myself.

I didn’t know what to say so I waited til he say something again.

“I’m not expecting you to believe me, but can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Would you allow me to prove to you my pure intentions?”

“No. I’m sorry. But if you want, we can go to your place and have a really nice sex. But after that, you can’t see me again.”

I said it in a usual tone of voice of the Ash that I really am—the Ash that breaks men’s hearts. But for the first time in my life, I kind of regretted that I said those words to him.

“I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

“What is? The sex or the idea of not seeing me again?”

“Both. I’ll see you again soon and will ask you the same question over and over again until you say yes to it.”

He uttered calmly as he stood up from the bench and said goodbye. I contemplated about stopping him and following him but I stayed as composed as ever. I glued my eyes to him as he walk away from me, leaving me perplexed with the last words he just said. I never liked a good guy. And a good guy never liked my bold and liberating way of life. That’s ridiculous. What am I supposed to do with this?

#fiction

(This is in connection to my previous post A Psychoweirdo so I hope you read that one too. Thank you!)

Pure obsession

I want you so bad.

You smelled like the most expensive chocolate my mouth craves all the time.

Your body is the summer to my cold winter heart.

I want you so bad it makes me sick.

For it is too much..

Pure obsession and indefinite desire.

The illusion to touch you makes me forget the entire universe’s sorrow and agony.

How about we create our own planet?

Where it’s only you and me…

so your eyes would be forced to embrace nothing but my beauty

so your hands wouldn’t think twice of holding mine,

so your heart would speak of me and me only.

I want to be selfish of you, I don’t know why but it’s true.

I want you so bad it makes me sad.

Because we can never be us and you will never be mine.

(Painting credit to the owner)

A Psychoweirdo

Ash is a sucker for the bad guys.

She paradoxically falls quick into their traps yet she loves it.

Because then she could also lure them to want her more, so she can jail their hearts in her spell and make them think she’s vulnerable, without knowing they’re the ones being poisoned with her seducing soul.

She enjoys the idea of hanging on the edge of the unknown with no label.

She prefers being involved in a married man—she likes the thought of wrecking homes, of breaking them wives’ hearts.

She knows it’s insanely peculiar but she finds so much fun with it.

She’s not fond of commitment, not even a believer of love.

She’s been living all by herself now for 15 years, after being abandoned by her biological parents and after she escaped from the foster parents she truly detested when she was 12.

Since then she has lived on her own.

Playing around her boys in every city she gets to live in.

Ash needs to move from one place to another, maximum of three months per state or country, so all her illegal hacking jobs won’t be busted and most importantly… so that she can search for new fresh meats of different race and color.

She’s highly independent that being with someone longer than two months is a big No-No!

She couldn’t take it, she rapidly gets sick of one and move on to the next.

Her attention span with these guys is really short despite the fact that it makes her happy.

Yes, the bad guys make her happy, especially if the sex is good.

She can make them go wild and crazy.

She has this innate charm that makes her irresistible. Her tattooless body says it all.

But once she’s done with it, once she has shattered their lives, it makes her way happier.

Ash is disturbingly crazy, she’s completely aware of it, but she didn’t bother changing her views just to be accepted by the world.

She doesn’t like to live normally, never a fan of rules.

She has never abided in anything but her own dirty strange urges to get touched by a variety of bad guys and to smash their hearts with her invisible evil strength.

#totallyfiction

(Photo credit to the owner)

Numbers don’t lie

“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage work ethic.”

-Stephen C. Hogan

This line has been stuck in my head when the speaker from our meeting yesterday flashed this in her PowerPoint presentation. I decided to write about this idea to reiterate the value of Work Ethic, and how does it affect not only the digits in your bank account but most significantly the quality of life that you live.

I’m a huge believer of numbers. Being in sales for nearly 7 years, I have relied on logical computation on achieving what I want. I’ve never enjoyed the idea of being a regular employee (that’s why I’ve never been one), wherein the paycheck depends on the hours you spend on your office and not by the amount of hard work you put in. At some point I find this idea a little unfair to those who work harder but gets the same salary as the ones who don’t. I have nothing against employees though, because I know some people who are happy to be one. This is speaking from my own experience, my own belief system that the idea of the Law of Averages has not only made me earn more than average at the age of 26, but also improved the quality of my life in general. It has polished in a way that I’ve developed a great work ethic that has now become a habit. Truth be told that I’m not normally the most skillful in the room, neither the most talented but I can confidently say that I can fill in those loop holes by working on my numbers. I prefer working hard over working smart, above all means.

Numbers, however, is truly not the sole component of success, but if you can master it, you’re on your way to achieving whatever it is that you want. It’s a formula that anyone can use regardless of how good you are at something. When you increase your numbers, whether in terms of the number of hours you spend on your career or on writing in your blog, or on studying something that interests you, you will see a massive and positive change on the results of it. If you double your effort, or at least do that extra 1%, the repercussion will mirror what you have exerted at a certain time only fate or God could tell. The fruits of your hardwork has their own perfect timing. If you’re working way above mediocre level today and not reaping the benefits yet, you have to instill in your mind that you must be patient. Patience is a virtue anyway, yes?

In addition to that, there is no way you you would ever miss a target if you religiously follow your hitrate. Hitrate is your personal ratio that is computed based on your skill level. As a Financial Wealth Adviser, my hit rate started at 10:1, that now has upgraded over the years to 3:1. This means that for me to be able to close a deal back then, I need to be able to present to 10 clients before I can get a successful YES. In terms of blogging, this post will be my 19th, with (only) 104 followers so far, on my 3rd week since I put this up. This means that for each daily post, I get to have roughly 5 followers, hence my hit rate on increasing the number of followers based on each published post is 1:5. Now I guess I have to write twice daily so I can have 10 new followers per day, hmm. What do you think? Hihi. 🙂

Anywho, numbers don’t lie. When you look at yourself and you’re not happy with where you are right now, odds are you didn’t apply a certain amount of work ethic for each of your goals. So let me end this post with how I started it—Your dream, that doesn’t necessarily have to be a million dollar, will be fulfilled if you add an amazing work ethic on your belief system and act on it whilst you can. Success is not a sprint after all that you have to acquire the speed of Usain Bolt just to get it. And you can’t use a shortcut to success in exchange for a short term happiness with a long term catastrophe. The idea is to enjoy the process on achieving it, heedless of the time, because the destination will surely be there at the end of the tunnel. Have fun in the process of working hard, learn from each hurdles along the way and soon enough you will reap all the benefits of your above average, multi-millionaire level of work ethic.

To love and to unlove

After I decided to put an end to it, he couldn’t stop crying. It’s but a queer thing for a man like him to carelessly sob in front of a woman. He was the strong kind, he was in fact the bravest person I know. This time, however, he allowed his heart to overrule everything, he allowed it to be vulnerable, to be so weak in front of me. He couldn’t understand. He kept on asking me why, but I only gave him the common shitty excuse that I need to find myself. I didn’t look at his eyes when I said this because then he’d be able to figure that I’m lying. It’s unfair I know, but it will only hurt him more if he finds out the truth. I know deep within me the real reason why I have to leave—but I am aware too that it will only worsen the damage I will cause him, it will crush him into pieces and I can’t afford to see him break.

I thought it’d be easier to lie to him. I initially thought he’d just let me go, because he’s not the kind of man who would beg someone just to stay and he hasn’t expressed his love for me lately anyway. You know what’s true? That for almost three years, I felt like he forgot that I exist. I became his wife he would go to every night, eat the dinner I cooked for him, talk about his day ’til he falls asleep or even after we made love. It was mostly about him—about how he kicked ass in the courtroom, how he smoothly won a case, how good of a lawyer he is. I always listened, because I loved him and I do learn from him too. I offered him my heart with my eyes full of admiration for the passion he has towards his career. But rarely did he ask about how my day was.

I am a housewife with no kids, got an online shop and our dog Rafa who somehow eases the pain of being unappreciated. I left my parents in my hometown in Cebu and had to go with him in London and this is where we got married four years ago. I made a couple of friends from the neighborhood and we usually go out once or twice a week, sometimes bring our dogs to the park. Every time I text him I’m going out with Olivia and Tara, he would only say, OK have fun. He never asked where were we going, perhaps he didn’t care.

I woke up one morning feeling sorry for myself. For accepting the fate I chose when I decided to marry him. I cried endlessly and when I’m done, the way I looked at him has abruptly changed. When I first saw him, I fell hard in love for him. But my constant non existence to him consumed it, until nothing is left. I didn’t know it was possible. To love someone with no reason to begin with and to unlove someone in the process of knowing him. I don’t know if the word unlove has been registered yet in Oxford or in Google, but I don’t care, all I know is this is the perfect word that could delineate my current emotional state. I am leaving him not for somebody else, neither to find myself because I was never lost. I am still me, I still exist in my own eyes, but I am no longer happy to share “me” with him. I am not mad at him albeit my existence has been ignored and unappreciated. For I know that at some point, I also am to blame. Because I allowed him to treat me like this, because I wasn’t strong enough to voice out my disapproval or complaints. I am not the straight forward type, hence I let him figure out my dilemma but I failed. Guess he’s too busy to focus on what I’m thinking, on what’s bothering me.

You lose something when you don’t appreciate the value of it whilst you have it. You will only realize it’s pure worth once it’s gone. This is an old saying but it will always hit you deep within your skin. He begged me again for the nth time and it breaks me to see him like this, but I don’t want to live in a lie anymore. I let go of his arms entangled in my torso, he’s down on his knees, with his face glued to my belly, my shirt seemed to be dripping with his non-stop tears. I felt bad for how he looked like when I saw him but I couldn’t do this anymore. I started to leave and then he tried to stop me, but I stare him in the eyes that says, “I want to be free”. I subsequently closed the door behind without even a glance at him. I walked away forever and there’s no more turning back.

#fiction

(Photo credit to the owner)