The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ben was bewildered by the silent scene he just witnessed right before his very eyes. It almost felt like he’s in a movie wherein two girls are about to fight over him, which made him feel a bit proud of himself, that added some dose of pride and confidence in his Alpha soul. He scratched the daydreaming after realising that this ain’t a movie at all, it was real life. His wife Abby is standing right next to his mistress who happened to be a sin he would never regret of committing. Ash has exceeded the definition of perfection—who is gifted with such undeniably seducing soul, with those brown eyes that speaks of lust, a body that shouts of warmth and home, hair that smells of lilies in full bloom and a sweet voice that mimics of Jazz on a sad solitary night. He must be crazy, he thought. Whatever it is, he knows for a fact that a woman like this is almost impossible to even exist, like a gem that can only be found in the dark abyss of ocean and seas.

“What is going on in here? Abby, let’s go home now, I’ll explain everything…” said Ben, who suddenly dropped the paperbag of Japanese food he bought at Yabu Restaurant as he rapidly reached out for his wife’s hands so he can escort her out of the house. But he reckoned it’s not possible, with Abby’s face that threatens of a quick death, by the way her features instantly transformed in mere seconds. A pair of fire emojis replaced her once angelic eyes, at least to his imagination, that made him sweat like he just lifted a 300 lbs of weights, non-stop.

Abby slightly moved back from her standing position as she peered at Ben with sheer rage, then she shoo him away in the most brutal way possible, as he attempts to hold her and lead her out of the house.

“No, i need explanation NOW!!! You fuckin’ tell me what’s going on and why the fuck are you cheating with me and how long has this been going on?!??! Fuckin’ tell me ’cause I fuckin’ deserve to know!!!!!” she stated hysterically, losing all the poise a legal wife should have. She just lost it, she couldn’t help it.

Ash nonchalantly held and opened up her tiny jar by the coffee table that contains sweets and gums and grabbed a strawberry flavored gum she calmly put into her mouth, as she watches this familiar boring movie that’s making her nearly sleepy. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned her back against the wall as she chews and pops the gum in her mouth, in a sexy manner every man would absolutely get turned on, even just on the chewing act alone. The Psychoweirdo didn’t say a word—her presence is enough to overrule the heated ambiance these overly dramatic Asian people created in her place. Fuck off, she thought.

Ben tried to carry his petite wife like a child, regardless of her violent protest with the act, scandalous cussing and crazy shouting. Notwithstanding Abby’s size, she was able to get off of him as she scratched him hard with her witch-like long nails and as she bit his arm that left a mark that is almost about to bleed. She didn’t wanna lose, no matter how ridiculous the scene she’s creating, she didn’t mind. She needs an answer, Ben needs to choose between her and this whore.

“OK! I will leave this filthy house, but you have to choose between me or your mistress. Tell me, who would you pick? Your wife who have loved you for years or this bitch you barely know?! Tell me! Fuckin’ decide NOW!” she threatened Ben, whilst pointing to Ash, confident enough that he’s going to choose her, ’cause she’s the legal wife, the right owner of Ben.

Ash wasn’t bothered by the wife’s threat, she cared less about losing Ben, but she knows she was the best in bed, by far. She’s thinking hard as she looks at Ben, trying to send a captivating message through her eyes—to stay and choose her. She’s not sure yet, but she wants to be chosen, perhaps it was her ego or maybe it was also because she was truly hooked by this guy’s inexplicable hotness.

Ben didn’t know how to reply, he’s both shocked and frightened. What is he supposed to do now?

To be continued…

Things I shouldn’t be sorry for but I’m sorry anyway

I’m sorry I left. Sorry if I told you I wouldn’t, but I did anyway. Sorry if each time we have lunch or dinner together and I didn’t like the food i ordered, you would exchange yours when it tastes better—you could sacrifice your own taste buds’ craving for my mouth’s neediness for greatness. Sorry if I always demand for neatness, as I would ask you to shave and you would, so frequently as if your hair roots are endless—but you never whined. You always wanted to look good in my eyes, is this because you didn’t want me to look elsewhere? Well if that’s a yes, then you succeeded. I never liked and loved someone apart from you but I’m sorry if that ain’t enough for me to stay. Sorry if I’m always anxious even at the tiniest of issues, at the pettiest of problems and at the shallowest of reasons to be anxious to begin with. But you stayed, you were there, when I was so down, when I thought I couldn’t rise up bravely enough. You listened patiently to my rants, gave me thought provoking advices about life, comforted me each time I cry. You never left, I’m sure you even wondered—’how come she did?’

I’m sorry I gave up in a snap. Sorry if I wasn’t strong enough to fight, if in this race I have to yield and vanish in your sight. I didn’t expect you would understand but you did anyway. You said it was your fault though I never blamed you. You said you should have been more, but I think you are wrong. I think you were more than the true meaning of “more”, perhaps “most” fits you best or a “too much” all along. You’re too much of a decent man it nearly killed me. It scared the devils inside me so I pushed you away. It wasn’t your fault, it was the fears I created that knows no origin. I’m sorry if commitments are still foreign to me. I’m sorry if ‘trust issues’ are tattooed in my skin — I’ve been trying to remove them, but they keep coming back like cancer cells that deteriorate, no matter how hard you try to get rid of it. You were the best man every girl should have. But my brokenness doesn’t match to your wholeness, and if we continue this, you might catch this disease. And I couldn’t afford to drag you along in this bloody hell of anguish. So I’m sorry, if I have to cut this off and finish our book with a dreadful ending. I’m sorry for being me, even though they say that’s something you shouldn’t be sorry for, but I reckon you deserve to hear my apology.

One day, I’ll show up in your doorstep and maybe beg for another chance. I promise to figure out this mess and put things on their proper place. But right now allow me to fix my broken pieces and find out how to be whole again—all by myself. I want to be right for you, and I will only be… if I get to love the reflection in the mirror that in every single day, I see.

(Photo credit to the owner)

A surreal win

Why am I here?

Why did I decide to be alone when the wind and the trees and the moon wants to come along?

They were here to be of help—so i can somehow breathe and witness a ray of light.

But I don’t want them in this fight.

My body craves for the full bloom of darkness inside.

You know why I like to endure this moment of total black?

So I get to teach myself to never fear the dark.

To feel each sting the sharp objects bring,

to embrace the pain that in my bones have remained.

I never hated the idea of hurting,

’cause they push me to be growing

to a woman of strength, I’m becoming..

a woman of resilience and grit.

I need to be all by myself—

so I get to converse with them voices within,

to understand the purpose of this storm I’m in,

not bothering no one, not confiding to a friend.

Because in times like this,

I need to crack a code to surpass the test.

And I’m supposed to find that code,

by marrying myself with this sword—

a weapon I can use to “unfear” the unknown,

to destroy the naysayer’s voice,

to never stop believin’ in my soul.

Why am I here?

Because life sometimes sucks yet I have to take it all in.

It’s for the better, it’s a surreal win.

(digital painting credit to the best artist in the world, Arvy)

Love and Loss, Truth and the End

“If you really love me, why would you leave me?” He said, facing away from her, evading the moment where he should be asking this whilst looking straight to her eyes, but he didn’t have the courage—he was frightened to see an unspoken truth that lies beneath her big brown eyes, he was scared to find out that maybe, she just simply fell out of love for him.

Silence kicks in, it was deafening. The kind that makes your heart throb a little faster than the ordinary beat, the kind that gives you no hope to search for a validated line that could satisfy the boy’s muddled mind.

The girl started to speak after a moment,

“Baby…” she said, with her voice shaking like a shivering body of a homeless girl on a sad winter night. She stared at him, waiting to meet his eyes, but she failed. She held his hand with her right and put the other to his chin, gently forcing his face to tilt to one side, to face her, so she can have his eyes as a witness, as she would speaking nothing but the truth at 3:30 in the morning. She took a deep breath to release the tension and fear she has inside and said,

“I love you so much. It breaks my heart to hear you question the love I have for you because I reckon you don’t even know the real depth of it. Please don’t ever think that what I’ve said to you, what I have showed you, were all a complete lie. Because I have always been true to you, I’ve loved you more than you know. In fact, I’ve given so much of me. I’ve even devoted my entire life into the pursuit of our growth as partners. But now when I look at myself, all I see is a restless woman who got so drained for giving too much of her it has exhausted every part of her being. As I look into your troubled eyes, I asked myself, can I still fight for this? I want to give up now because I think I don’t have any energy left. I got so tired, I’m sorry but this is true. They say, if you love someone, you should never feel tired. I say, I loved someone so much I came to this point right now that nothing is left, I spent too much effort on this, done everything I could to make you happy, but it has always been me, and guess I’m still not enough for you. And for two years, I haven’t felt that security. Not even a single plan has been laid out in front me.”

She tried to stay as composed as she could, trying to hold back them tears from falling. After speaking of truth, she felt that sense of relief. She’s aware that he might not understand it right away, but telling the truth has set her free, from the constant anxiety she has felt for holding on to something she wasn’t sure of, just because she couldn’t feel the same level of commitment she has for their story to work.

What if he doesn’t accept this and asked for a one more chance? Should the girl give this boy another shot?

#fiction

5 lessons everyone should learn about LOVE

Love is my favourite. When i hear this word, I can hear his voice. When people talk happily about it, I see his smile. When people blame love for being miserable, it makes me question the real purpose of it, whilst imagining his enraged face due to our inevitable fights.

Love is so powerful it can make you the happiest and the saddest person at the same time. This paradox is a cliché, but only those who have experienced this 2-in-1 effect of love can only testify how ironically twisted love is.

Love is showing me these facets right now. Love makes me indefinably overjoyed, but recently it was shattering all pieces of me, including my state of mind, my weakened soul and my whole vulnerable self. I initially thought love only exacerbates the pain caused by a single person or situation but then I realized that love is only teaching me lessons. For me to grow, not only as a person but most significantly as a partner.

I have failed in love too many times it really sucks. I even thought once about abandoning love forever, but I couldn’t seem to do it. Love lies in the deepest layer of my bones I wouldn’t be able to just let it go. In spite of failing at it too many times, I still believe that once I have reached that level of maturity, applying all the lessons love has taught me the hard way, I would succeed in it. They say the most powerful advice comes from those who have been there, done that, felt it, suffered at it and eventually survived it. Hence, I will share to you the lessons love has taught me, despite the fact that love is not my expertise.

1. Love is not easily angered

Being a short-tempered woman that I am, it is quite a challenge for me to stay calm during fights, whether it’s minor or a major one, I couldn’t help myself but talk recklessly, resulting to a more serious damage. We should understand that we should not be easily angered under any circumstances and learn how to talk it out in the most serene way possible. Take a deep breath, hold your partner’s hand, and think thoroughly before you say something. Hurtful words will only aggravate the situation so be careful at what anger is forcing you to say.

2. Let love win over your ego

We had a fight recently and my egotistic self was too proud that I waited for almost a week before I spoke to him. I didn’t want to message first thinking it wasn’t my fault, but the repercussion of not following what love has been telling me to do (which is to talk to him) has made me the most miserable person on earth. Don’t let your ego eat you up, it will make you sick, it will never make you happy. Call your partner now and don’t prolong the agony you are creating for postponing the proper communication you should have done to fix things. In love, sometimes it doesn’t matter who the real culprit in the battle is, what matters most is how you end the war of love by apologizing and acknowledging the cause of it and letting love win just because love always wins.

3. Love is never selfish

When you’re the type of person who loves and gives too much (like I), you have this unavoidable tendency to feel tired especially if you think your partner is not putting in the same effort. This is normal because we WANT to receive love in return, don’t we? I mean, let’s not be hypocrites on this aspect, because I sure know you also crave to be loved just as much as the amount of love you can give to your partner. But what if it’s not identical? Should we find someone else that could give us what we want? Hell no. True love is not like that. Never ever count how much effort you are exerting in the relationship because love is never selfish. Do not accuse your partner of not helping you make things work because…

4. Love is spoken in different languages

It is purely true that each and everyone of us have different love languages thus we also perceive it in such a unique way. The way you show love may be totally distinct from the way your partner does it. Hence, you should never be disappointed if the love you can give is not given to you in the same form. Assess yourself to identify your love language and make sure you also ask your partner of his. Communicate it with him/her so you can manage your expectations and never get disappointed in the end.

5. Love is all we need

I don’t know about you, but this is what’s keeping me alive. My life has massively changed when I began to know Love. I don’t need no drugs nor alcohol to make me high, because love already does it to me everyday of my life. If you know how to love someone, you are lucky. It’s a privilege because I know some people who can’t even manage to love themselves, hence they couldn’t give it out to someone else. And if you are loved, you are blessed. Be grateful about it because not everyone can receive it. Love is all we need in this mundane world we’re in.

The lessons I have learned will stick within me as a reminder of the real power of love. Love is too strong no one can really break its purpose. Love is our fuel to get going. Without love, we have no reason to go on with our life. Love is an intangible gift from God. The best things in life are unseen just like when God speaks to us and when we close our eyes to kiss. Give love and choose love, always.

 

(Photo credit to the owner)

Invisible fear

I was listening carefully with every beat of it.

I put my right hand to my chest, to feel the message it brings.

I was bewildered by its deafening noise—it’s making me sick.

It seems like I was hearing a beat resembling them ones in horror movies.

Trying to decode the fear I can perfectly hear.

Is this even real?

Where does this fear come from?

Is this the fear of being alone or the fear of losing?

Oddly speaking, I couldn’t seem to find out its true meaning.

Perhaps, both or maybe I’m just hallucinating.

For a moment, I stared at the cup in front of me and then brushed off this phase of overthinking…

I sighed whilst smiling when I figured out I’m only palpitating…

this strong coffee is all but to blame.

😅😅😅😅😅

(Photo credit to Pinterest)