Battle of the Psychos

“This is what you want, ain’t it? F*ck me then fool me and then make me fall for you? Now if this is a game for you, let me play it real good with you. In this game, you be my Queen—but there’s no way I’ll be giving you to another King. No way out, no escape. Do you understand!?” threatened Ben, while he unzip his pants, still putting all his weight at her back.

Ash couldn’t move, she could feel the heat from his breath that made her face sweat even more, while she’s painfully pressed at the back of the door, disgraced and motionless. She tried to protest and escape from this nightmare, but the thoughts of her troubled past enfeebled her bones.

Ben had successfully and forcefully owned her from behind which has put Ash into a mental numbness. Ben kept on talking whilst he do her, but none of them meant to her. It’s been a while since the last time she felt something. At this very moment, she’s mentally numb but emotionally disturbed. Her past is now haunting her in every corner of her mind. Her brokenness has reached a level of total damage, all pieces have multiplied into micro mini versions of it that even time might not be enough to put them all back to its wholeness again.

Once he’s done, he vigorously flipped her body from her waist so he could look into her eyes. He held her face with both his hands, kept on telling her to “say something!”, but he heard no response from her.

All of a sudden, tears rolled down her face. Stunned, Ben stepped back and stood there staring at her like a statue. After a couple of minutes, he started apologising, like a person with bipolar disorder whose state instantly changes, back to being the nice guy that he was.

What is this guy, really?

Not a question of who, but a question of his true being. What is his true nature? Who’s the real Ben and when is he saying the truth? I couldn’t fathom his real identity…

Ah, I knew it! He’s a psycho! A real one and maybe, a dangerous kind. My tears aren’t worth falling for this a-hole! Ash thought whilst she wipes her tears off her face.

“I need to leave. Please let me go.” she begged, trying to hypnotise him with her fake puppy eyes to minimise the trouble, hoping that this guy would let her go. But this man’s level of obsession couldn’t be broken the soft way.

“No, you can’t leave. You’re my property now, don’t you understand?”

Crap. Then let me do it the hard way.

Back to her senses, she landed her fist to his nose as quick and as hard as she could. Ben lost his balance and fell onto the floor. He then touched his nose and saw the palm of his hands filled with his thick form of blood—it momentarily paralysed him until he realised that Ash has already ran away to escape.

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This is a continuation from my Psychoweirdo series. Jump in and let me know your thoughts below 😉

Awakening the evil

“You’re crazy to think there’s love in between all of this. You’re completely out of your mind. It’s merely a sexual desire, don’t you see?”

Face still straight and emotionless, the Psychoweirdo uttered these words that has probably shattered Ben’s hope. She wasn’t lying, although she’s quite bothered with the way this guy treats her, she’s 100% sure it’s not love. How can someone know of something she hasn’t felt ever, neither received from anyone, nor is present even in her own self? Isn’t that ludicrous?

Ben stood up, opened the bottle of Scotch resting at the table and poured some in his glass. He walked slowly towards the window, in deep thought, but his eyes were lost in oblivion. He could feel the rage firing up inside him whilst he hears his alter-ego that poisons his head, telling him how much of a loser he is, presenting all his regrets at the core of his mind. Regret? Perhaps yes, he regrets that he left his family for this woman of magical charm–he was blind enough to see the scars concealed pretty well in her porcelain skin. And yes, crazy enough to think that this crazy woman will eventually fall for him. He drank all the scotch left in the glass he’s holding and firmly said,

“Ash, I am crazy about you and you’re mine!”

As he declared, Ash saw a flash of demonic fire burning in his eyes, which is not too foreign to her. She has seen this before, roughly around a decade ago, when his foster father raped her, multiple times before she was able to escape. All the unpleasant scenes she has buried in the micro deepest layer of her memory has emerged and evolved into a fresh huge monster that in that very second has made her ill, making her want to run away again forever.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re done. I’m leaving.” she hastily picked up her bag and almost made her way out when Ben grasped her by the wrist, shut the door and said, “I’m afraid that’s not gonna happen.”

With his strong built, he pushed his body towards hers, her right cheek pressed in the back of the door like what a policeman does when they catch a criminal. With both her hands in his possession, she could hardly move, it seems like the flashbacks from ten years ago weakened her knees, she’s nearly vulnerable and almost ready to yield.

“You’re hurting me! Let me go!” shouted Ash, as she tried to fight back the weight of Ben’s body that’s hindering her to run away.

Pain suddenly disrupted her brain. Not the physical one she currently feels (’cause that’s way more tolerable), but the pain from the darkest places she’s been in the past that she never wished to see again. After a few seconds, she smelled the stinky odour of the past that was too familiar to her senses, when the man behind her said them words that her father used to say…

“How about we play some games first?”

 

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This is a continuation to The Psychoweirdo fiction series. For the previous parts, click on the links below.

A Psychoweirdo

The Psychoweirdo’s voice

The Psychoweirdo’s voice Part 2

Psychoweirdo is back!

The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ash–as human, and a woman.

 

Ash—as human, and a woman.

The sunlight kissed her cheeks at 7 in the morning as she was awoken by its strange heat brought by its reflection by the windowsill. With her slightly opened eyes she found herself lying in a foreign room, with an old-fashioned yet comfortable bed, with scents of old books all over, complimented by the artistic colors shouting at four walls, with pine trees waving at her as she faintly lift her head to peer at what’s behind them white curtains being swayed by the wind.

She couldn’t help but to smile albeit rather anxiously, with the thought that someone might see her. She then looked around and found no one else except for her bare and naked self. She stood up and walked tiptoed, worried that the floor made of purely wood might break, but the idea of it happening made her laugh at the back of her head. She held the other side of the white curtains and used it to cover her body, leaving only the sight of her face and a little bit of skin from her shoulders as she pressed it in between her armpits making it look like she’s wearing a white tube long dress. She leaned towards slowly and crumpled her eyes to take a clear look at the view—the pine trees stand firmly at the white sand that looked like it has swarovski and diamonds in it, as it shines brightly with the help of the sun. Birds are forming some sort of patterns in the bright blue sky, dancing and singing like theater actors that are well-rehearsed. Beyond them trees she could see the splash of big waves and the sound of it that in that moment, calms her soul.

A soul. Yes, she has a soul. However, it’s not quite visible using typical set of eyes, she reckons no one ever has seen it, as she has been keeping it at the depths of her skin. What everyone sees in her is nothing but evilness and wickedness—and she’s completely fine with it. That’s exactly what she’s born for, aint it? She didn’t want to share her secrets that lies underneath the words in her eyes and she hardly even thought of joining forces with a man on a deeper level. It was never part of the plan. But Ben digs effortlessly to get to know her and now she fears the idea of losing the battle.

It all started when Ben left everything for her, chose her, accepted her, understood her and met all her needs. He brought her in a Probinsya, for a holiday getaway, away from the chaos of Manila’s crazy traffic. Ben told her he bought a house by the beach and that he wanted her to see it but he didn’t tell her beforehand that they’re going to stay the night. She doesn’t want to sleep next to someone, in spite of her strong sexual attraction towards Ben, but she realized she had no choice. It was a long drive she was a little exhausted so she didn’t protest anymore. And there she found herself waking up to such an amazing view. The Psychoweirdo then closed her eyes and played the horror of the ugly possibility that lingers in her head, as the wind touches her face gently, heedless of the curtains that left her body open for everyone else to see. But again, no one’s there anyway.

A few seconds later Ben opened the door with a mussed hair and a full smile on his face, wearing only a cute dirty white apron and his blue checkered boxers while he carries a tray of Filipino food.

“Good morning, Beautiful. I cooked you breakfast.” he said as he stared at Ash’s naked body, looking like he’s memorizing her curves and perhaps enjoying the beauty of her breasts. Ash didn’t say nothing. She almost ignored him and nonchalantly reached for her dress and walked past through him to go to the restroom. She leaned her back against the door with her hands at her back, still holding the knob even after she locked it, not moving a muscle and just staring at the ceiling, with unwanted thoughts that bother her. No one has ever treated me like human, or even a woman except for him. She thought without blinking, her heart started to race like its going to explode. She couldn’t be vulnerable with anyone, that’s never going to happen. She’s scared with the idea of him looking at her like she has seen her soul, that she’s been hiding all along. She’s afraid that maybe he has seen it, even without her knowing it. Is that even possible?

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This is a continuation from my fiction series The Psychoweirdo. 🙂

The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ben was bewildered by the silent scene he just witnessed right before his very eyes. It almost felt like he’s in a movie wherein two girls are about to fight over him, which made him feel a bit proud of himself, that added some dose of pride and confidence in his Alpha soul. He scratched the daydreaming after realising that this ain’t a movie at all, it was real life. His wife Abby is standing right next to his mistress who happened to be a sin he would never regret of committing. Ash has exceeded the definition of perfection—who is gifted with such undeniably seducing soul, with those brown eyes that speaks of lust, a body that shouts of warmth and home, hair that smells of lilies in full bloom and a sweet voice that mimics of Jazz on a sad solitary night. He must be crazy, he thought. Whatever it is, he knows for a fact that a woman like this is almost impossible to even exist, like a gem that can only be found in the dark abyss of ocean and seas.

“What is going on in here? Abby, let’s go home now, I’ll explain everything…” said Ben, who suddenly dropped the paperbag of Japanese food he bought at Yabu Restaurant as he rapidly reached out for his wife’s hands so he can escort her out of the house. But he reckoned it’s not possible, with Abby’s face that threatens of a quick death, by the way her features instantly transformed in mere seconds. A pair of fire emojis replaced her once angelic eyes, at least to his imagination, that made him sweat like he just lifted a 300 lbs of weights, non-stop.

Abby slightly moved back from her standing position as she peered at Ben with sheer rage, then she shoo him away in the most brutal way possible, as he attempts to hold her and lead her out of the house.

“No, i need explanation NOW!!! You fuckin’ tell me what’s going on and why the fuck are you cheating with me and how long has this been going on?!??! Fuckin’ tell me ’cause I fuckin’ deserve to know!!!!!” she stated hysterically, losing all the poise a legal wife should have. She just lost it, she couldn’t help it.

Ash nonchalantly held and opened up her tiny jar by the coffee table that contains sweets and gums and grabbed a strawberry flavored gum she calmly put into her mouth, as she watches this familiar boring movie that’s making her nearly sleepy. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned her back against the wall as she chews and pops the gum in her mouth, in a sexy manner every man would absolutely get turned on, even just on the chewing act alone. The Psychoweirdo didn’t say a word—her presence is enough to overrule the heated ambiance these overly dramatic Asian people created in her place. Fuck off, she thought.

Ben tried to carry his petite wife like a child, regardless of her violent protest with the act, scandalous cussing and crazy shouting. Notwithstanding Abby’s size, she was able to get off of him as she scratched him hard with her witch-like long nails and as she bit his arm that left a mark that is almost about to bleed. She didn’t wanna lose, no matter how ridiculous the scene she’s creating, she didn’t mind. She needs an answer, Ben needs to choose between her and this whore.

“OK! I will leave this filthy house, but you have to choose between me or your mistress. Tell me, who would you pick? Your wife who have loved you for years or this bitch you barely know?! Tell me! Fuckin’ decide NOW!” she threatened Ben, whilst pointing to Ash, confident enough that he’s going to choose her, ’cause she’s the legal wife, the right owner of Ben.

Ash wasn’t bothered by the wife’s threat, she cared less about losing Ben, but she knows she was the best in bed, by far. She’s thinking hard as she looks at Ben, trying to send a captivating message through her eyes—to stay and choose her. She’s not sure yet, but she wants to be chosen, perhaps it was her ego or maybe it was also because she was truly hooked by this guy’s inexplicable hotness.

Ben didn’t know how to reply, he’s both shocked and frightened. What is he supposed to do now?

To be continued…

Psychoweirdo is back!

The Psychoweirdo has been travelling around Asia for three weeks now and she’s killin’ it. She loved how the Asian guys showered her with so much attention, with bizarre warmth she has never felt before. They have made her feel like she’s Selena Gomez or Angelina Jolie, albeit rather bitchy of a version of these celebrities. Ash’s confidence is overflowing in the cockiest way you could ever imagine but they still end up being caged by her charm. She has this invisible psychic aura that hypnotizes Asian men to not only want to sleep with her but to keep coming back for more. Ironically however, she reckoned that these men has the same power over her and she’s enjoying it. She normally didn’t like regular clients but in this place in the Philippines called Manila, she has made an exception. It was with Ben—he has showed him strange but fascinating sexual acts she has never experienced before. He has sent her to wildest of dreams that are freakin’ real. It was crazily addictive, she decided to own him and never let go.

Whilst she was merely focused on her Macbook Pro doing some research about Taiwan, she suddenly heard heavy knocks on her front door. She hastily checked the security camera she has set up in the flat she’s renting and she saw a petite woman who’s probably in her late 20’s with furious eyes that kept looking at the camera with her proud middle finger up in the sky. Ash smirked, rolled her eyes, looked at herself in the mirror and winked with her game-face on and walked to the front door to give this trespasser a warm welcome she will never forget.

Ash opened the door and the woman abruptly attempted to slap Ash in the face but she missed. Ash held her wrist tight with her poker face and her eyes focused on the intruder. The woman was too small for Ash there’s no way she could ever win in this physical fight she was planning to do, not unless she has a weapon like a knife or a samurai but looks like there’s none so it’s apparently a no-match.

“Easy!” Ash said when she stopped this woman’s ridiculous act of madness. The woman was somewhat astonished with the composure and nonchalant poise of her husband’s mistress.

“You’re a filthy whore! A home wrecker!” the woman exclaimed as she let go of her hand from Ash’s possession.

“Thanks, my pleasure. Come in, so I can show you where I’ve been f*cking your husband. Do you like tea or coffee?” Ash said sarcastically as she closed the door behind.

“Why are you doing this? Why me? Why Ben? What are you getting out of this?” she said, her voice was shaking like a choppy line during a call.

“Have a seat first and make yourself comfortable.” Ash said as she prepares a cup of coffee for the angry visitor. Ben’s wife, whose name is Abby, didn’t follow Ash’s instructions and stubbornly glued herself to her current standing position with her arms crossed, anxious with how Ash behaves and treats her.

“I didn’t come here to have coffee with you, bitch! I came here to warn you! If you don’t stop seeing my husband, you’re going to hell!” Abby said, with her voice a little too loud for a threat.

“Haha. You making me laugh, sweetie. The way you said it scared the hell out of me. Haha.” She said sarcastically, as she sits down in her black leather couch and crossed her flawless legs to show off her confidence.

“You should have done a little research about me before you went here, darling. Oh well, poor you. I have regular clients, fyi, and Ben is one of them. I don’t mind losing him, if he decides to cut off what we have, because I have other options. You see? That’s why I don’t give a f*ck with you coming here and shouting like a mad beast. You should be asking your husband to stop seeing me, not the other way around. Why, are you scared he would choose me over you?” Ash continued, looking straight to the enemy’s eyes.

Abby was startled for a couple of minutes she didn’t know how to respond. This whore is getting on her nerves she wanted to cry but she chose not to. When she was about to open her mouth to reply, someone knocked on the door and they both went silent.

To be continued…

#fiction

The psychoweirdo’s voice

Do I really have to apologize for it? For being emotionally wrecked, for being entirely true to myself, for pursuing these sexual urges and for the poison in my head filled with strong trust issues? Do I have to abide by the rules of relationships and pretend to be the cool girl the society expects me to be? I ain’t doing that shit. I deserve to live by my own independent laws about how to have a full life. A life that won’t forbid me to do the things that satisfy my skin’s cravings for some touch. A kind of choice that eases the pain of being alone but I didn’t want that to last long, being with someone that is. It makes me feel ecstatic to be caressed by married men, by them bad guys who needed some punishment. But ironically speaking, I cringe to the idea of a long term bond, a serious relationship with only one man—it smells like a disastrous thought to begin with. I’ve always been true to myself but I’ve been lying to them for the most part. One of the most pretentious things I’ve ever done that I’m never guilty of is the lie that I had feelings for them. Ha ha! I’m a professional actress by nature. Most guys fall for my emotional acts, for the tears I faked before I would have to leave, for my big brown puppy eyes I was naturally blessed with that tickles their poor hearts. I ain’t sorry for them, I will never ever be. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, neither do I generalize men as playboys and idiots. Most of them are but I also would like to believe that there could be some who are decent enough to be loved. It’s just that, I don’t like the idea of it, of love that is. Of what the books have presented me, of what fairy tales have fooled me when I was little. Perhaps it’s not only that I don’t like it, I guess it’s merely because I haven’t really felt it. Sometimes I wonder if it’s really kind and if it’s really patient, I wonder if it’s truly powerful.

Last night, I met this guy by the name of Robbie that I slept with almost a couple of weeks ago when I was in New York. I moved in to San Francisco now and I was surprised to see him seemingly lurking around the dark flashy bar I was in. I had a feeling he was there to see me but I brushed off that thought in me. When I see no signs of him, I hastily made my way out of the place and waved for a taxi. Just by the time I opened the cab door, he abruptly appeared out of nowhere and strongly grabbed me by the arm and apologized to the driver then shoo him away. I get off of his hand that was somehow stuck into my arm then looked at him puzzlingly.

He gestured me to follow him and we sat to the bench near the colorful fountain by the park. His dominance honestly turns me on but his silence irritates me so I broke it in a very calm way.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing. Or maybe something.”

“Huh. What is it?”

“I lied to you.”

“About what?”

“I ain’t married.”

“So?”

“And you’re the first woman I ever slept with”

My mouth slightly opened with this surprising news but I still managed to maintain a poker face. I pretended I didn’t care and said,

“So?”

“I always see you there, in this bar in New York. I chatted with the bearded bartender once when you weren’t around and I asked about you. He told me this gossip that you only sleep with married men and bad boys, so I decided to pretend like one, I even wore a fake ring to make it look real. I had to do that so I could get closer to you, so I could ascertain what I feel for you.”

“Haha nice story. Go on.”

“The first time I saw you was one Tuesday evening, 11th of November. You were wearing that shiny silver plunging dress. I thought you were really gorgeous, like what everyone else thought in that place. But I didn’t want to sleep with you when I saw you that night. I just enjoyed watching you giggle with the guys you were flirting with, I even daydreamed of stealing you from them and talking to you alone by the beach. I went home with a huge smile on my face and it remained in there everytime you cross my mind. I don’t know what this is, but I’m certain that it’s not merely sex that I want from you.”

I suddenly felt a pinch in my soul, not because I believed him, but because for the first time ever, it sounded so real. I have somehow memorized how the bad guys behave, thus his actions are quite foreign to me. If he is not a bad guy, nor a married man, then what is he? A nice guy? Oh no. This ain’t possible. I’ve just broken the code of promise I made to myself.

I didn’t know what to say so I waited til he say something again.

“I’m not expecting you to believe me, but can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“Would you allow me to prove to you my pure intentions?”

“No. I’m sorry. But if you want, we can go to your place and have a really nice sex. But after that, you can’t see me again.”

I said it in a usual tone of voice of the Ash that I really am—the Ash that breaks men’s hearts. But for the first time in my life, I kind of regretted that I said those words to him.

“I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

“What is? The sex or the idea of not seeing me again?”

“Both. I’ll see you again soon and will ask you the same question over and over again until you say yes to it.”

He uttered calmly as he stood up from the bench and said goodbye. I contemplated about stopping him and following him but I stayed as composed as ever. I glued my eyes to him as he walk away from me, leaving me perplexed with the last words he just said. I never liked a good guy. And a good guy never liked my bold and liberating way of life. That’s ridiculous. What am I supposed to do with this?

#fiction

(This is in connection to my previous post A Psychoweirdo so I hope you read that one too. Thank you!)