Awakening the evil

“You’re crazy to think there’s love in between all of this. You’re completely out of your mind. It’s merely a sexual desire, don’t you see?”

Face still straight and emotionless, the Psychoweirdo uttered these words that has probably shattered Ben’s hope. She wasn’t lying, although she’s quite bothered with the way this guy treats her, she’s 100% sure it’s not love. How can someone know of something she hasn’t felt ever, neither received from anyone, nor is present even in her own self? Isn’t that ludicrous?

Ben stood up, opened the bottle of Scotch resting at the table and poured some in his glass. He walked slowly towards the window, in deep thought, but his eyes were lost in oblivion. He could feel the rage firing up inside him whilst he hears his alter-ego that poisons his head, telling him how much of a loser he is, presenting all his regrets at the core of his mind. Regret? Perhaps yes, he regrets that he left his family for this woman of magical charm–he was blind enough to see the scars concealed pretty well in her porcelain skin. And yes, crazy enough to think that this crazy woman will eventually fall for him. He drank all the scotch left in the glass he’s holding and firmly said,

“Ash, I am crazy about you and you’re mine!”

As he declared, Ash saw a flash of demonic fire burning in his eyes, which is not too foreign to her. She has seen this before, roughly around a decade ago, when his foster father raped her, multiple times before she was able to escape. All the unpleasant scenes she has buried in the micro deepest layer of her memory has emerged and evolved into a fresh huge monster that in that very second has made her ill, making her want to run away again forever.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re done. I’m leaving.” she hastily picked up her bag and almost made her way out when Ben grasped her by the wrist, shut the door and said, “I’m afraid that’s not gonna happen.”

With his strong built, he pushed his body towards hers, her right cheek pressed in the back of the door like what a policeman does when they catch a criminal. With both her hands in his possession, she could hardly move, it seems like the flashbacks from ten years ago weakened her knees, she’s nearly vulnerable and almost ready to yield.

“You’re hurting me! Let me go!” shouted Ash, as she tried to fight back the weight of Ben’s body that’s hindering her to run away.

Pain suddenly disrupted her brain. Not the physical one she currently feels (’cause that’s way more tolerable), but the pain from the darkest places she’s been in the past that she never wished to see again. After a few seconds, she smelled the stinky odour of the past that was too familiar to her senses, when the man behind her said them words that her father used to say…

“How about we play some games first?”

 

******

This is a continuation to The Psychoweirdo fiction series. For the previous parts, click on the links below.

A Psychoweirdo

The Psychoweirdo’s voice

The Psychoweirdo’s voice Part 2

Psychoweirdo is back!

The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ash–as human, and a woman.

 

Over-flawed skin, pure strength within

She perused all her parts,

there she saw a woman full of scars.

Scars that mirror the wars she fought

and flaws naturally scattered in all sorts. 

 

No filter could fit, to really cover them zits

But don’t you know she’s loved for it?

Loved for these scars she can never delete.

 

A manifestation of absolute valour,

with her vibrant eyes focused on the colours

she never capitulated though odds weren’t in favour.

Battled ’til the end, despite carrying no armour.

 

She’s truly a woman with an “over-flawed” skin,

but such, with pure strength within.

 

************************************************************************************

An Unfakable Soul

If I talk about my heart, will you listen?

If I show you the real me, will you embrace it?

I’m no typical woman, do you know?

I’m more than the real meaning of flawed,

A girl who cut herself with a sword—full of bruises and unhealable wounds.

Destroyed by her past, wrecked by the noise.

I will not ask you to fix me, nor to secure.

I just need someone with an unfakable soul.

Now tell me…

Are you giving me your all?

Or is this nothing but an all-show?

#fiction

(Photos taken at Bondi Beach, Sydney Australia 🇦🇺)

The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ben was bewildered by the silent scene he just witnessed right before his very eyes. It almost felt like he’s in a movie wherein two girls are about to fight over him, which made him feel a bit proud of himself, that added some dose of pride and confidence in his Alpha soul. He scratched the daydreaming after realising that this ain’t a movie at all, it was real life. His wife Abby is standing right next to his mistress who happened to be a sin he would never regret of committing. Ash has exceeded the definition of perfection—who is gifted with such undeniably seducing soul, with those brown eyes that speaks of lust, a body that shouts of warmth and home, hair that smells of lilies in full bloom and a sweet voice that mimics of Jazz on a sad solitary night. He must be crazy, he thought. Whatever it is, he knows for a fact that a woman like this is almost impossible to even exist, like a gem that can only be found in the dark abyss of ocean and seas.

“What is going on in here? Abby, let’s go home now, I’ll explain everything…” said Ben, who suddenly dropped the paperbag of Japanese food he bought at Yabu Restaurant as he rapidly reached out for his wife’s hands so he can escort her out of the house. But he reckoned it’s not possible, with Abby’s face that threatens of a quick death, by the way her features instantly transformed in mere seconds. A pair of fire emojis replaced her once angelic eyes, at least to his imagination, that made him sweat like he just lifted a 300 lbs of weights, non-stop.

Abby slightly moved back from her standing position as she peered at Ben with sheer rage, then she shoo him away in the most brutal way possible, as he attempts to hold her and lead her out of the house.

“No, i need explanation NOW!!! You fuckin’ tell me what’s going on and why the fuck are you cheating with me and how long has this been going on?!??! Fuckin’ tell me ’cause I fuckin’ deserve to know!!!!!” she stated hysterically, losing all the poise a legal wife should have. She just lost it, she couldn’t help it.

Ash nonchalantly held and opened up her tiny jar by the coffee table that contains sweets and gums and grabbed a strawberry flavored gum she calmly put into her mouth, as she watches this familiar boring movie that’s making her nearly sleepy. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned her back against the wall as she chews and pops the gum in her mouth, in a sexy manner every man would absolutely get turned on, even just on the chewing act alone. The Psychoweirdo didn’t say a word—her presence is enough to overrule the heated ambiance these overly dramatic Asian people created in her place. Fuck off, she thought.

Ben tried to carry his petite wife like a child, regardless of her violent protest with the act, scandalous cussing and crazy shouting. Notwithstanding Abby’s size, she was able to get off of him as she scratched him hard with her witch-like long nails and as she bit his arm that left a mark that is almost about to bleed. She didn’t wanna lose, no matter how ridiculous the scene she’s creating, she didn’t mind. She needs an answer, Ben needs to choose between her and this whore.

“OK! I will leave this filthy house, but you have to choose between me or your mistress. Tell me, who would you pick? Your wife who have loved you for years or this bitch you barely know?! Tell me! Fuckin’ decide NOW!” she threatened Ben, whilst pointing to Ash, confident enough that he’s going to choose her, ’cause she’s the legal wife, the right owner of Ben.

Ash wasn’t bothered by the wife’s threat, she cared less about losing Ben, but she knows she was the best in bed, by far. She’s thinking hard as she looks at Ben, trying to send a captivating message through her eyes—to stay and choose her. She’s not sure yet, but she wants to be chosen, perhaps it was her ego or maybe it was also because she was truly hooked by this guy’s inexplicable hotness.

Ben didn’t know how to reply, he’s both shocked and frightened. What is he supposed to do now?

To be continued…

Love and Loss, Truth and the End

“If you really love me, why would you leave me?” He said, facing away from her, evading the moment where he should be asking this whilst looking straight to her eyes, but he didn’t have the courage—he was frightened to see an unspoken truth that lies beneath her big brown eyes, he was scared to find out that maybe, she just simply fell out of love for him.

Silence kicks in, it was deafening. The kind that makes your heart throb a little faster than the ordinary beat, the kind that gives you no hope to search for a validated line that could satisfy the boy’s muddled mind.

The girl started to speak after a moment,

“Baby…” she said, with her voice shaking like a shivering body of a homeless girl on a sad winter night. She stared at him, waiting to meet his eyes, but she failed. She held his hand with her right and put the other to his chin, gently forcing his face to tilt to one side, to face her, so she can have his eyes as a witness, as she would speaking nothing but the truth at 3:30 in the morning. She took a deep breath to release the tension and fear she has inside and said,

“I love you so much. It breaks my heart to hear you question the love I have for you because I reckon you don’t even know the real depth of it. Please don’t ever think that what I’ve said to you, what I have showed you, were all a complete lie. Because I have always been true to you, I’ve loved you more than you know. In fact, I’ve given so much of me. I’ve even devoted my entire life into the pursuit of our growth as partners. But now when I look at myself, all I see is a restless woman who got so drained for giving too much of her it has exhausted every part of her being. As I look into your troubled eyes, I asked myself, can I still fight for this? I want to give up now because I think I don’t have any energy left. I got so tired, I’m sorry but this is true. They say, if you love someone, you should never feel tired. I say, I loved someone so much I came to this point right now that nothing is left, I spent too much effort on this, done everything I could to make you happy, but it has always been me, and guess I’m still not enough for you. And for two years, I haven’t felt that security. Not even a single plan has been laid out in front me.”

She tried to stay as composed as she could, trying to hold back them tears from falling. After speaking of truth, she felt that sense of relief. She’s aware that he might not understand it right away, but telling the truth has set her free, from the constant anxiety she has felt for holding on to something she wasn’t sure of, just because she couldn’t feel the same level of commitment she has for their story to work.

What if he doesn’t accept this and asked for a one more chance? Should the girl give this boy another shot?

#fiction

Men, this is for you.

Are women really THAT complex?

Men, do you sometimes feel like you couldn’t decipher our indirect language and dramatic behaviour at times?

Probably most of my male readers would do a slow repetitive nod for this very common question about gender differences so I decided to write something that (hopefully) could enlighten you on how to deal with the enigmatic behaviour of women especially in terms of our hobby of starting a quarrel.

This, however, will focus on one thing. No big deal—only one single revelation that I urge you to please embrace with all your being, just in case you would find this fascinating.

There is no secret formula to crack the code inside a woman’s brain, you would only be needing an open mind and a heart that’s full of patience. Again, patience.

Have you ever witnessed your wife or girlfriend who all of a sudden got angry and when you asked her what’s wrong, she answered you with an enraged I-don’t-know?

If you’re sometimes lucky, we also get mad for a reason—but most of them are merely minor and petty.

It’s undeniably true that we also say no, when it really means yes. That today we love you but then a few minutes later, we hate you.

That’s when you would give us that strange look and we would get into your nerves and you would scratch your head and probably get angry in return for the mystery of our emotional roller coaster.

Men, listen.

This is the real reason behind this unknown source of dismay:

PMS.

Lol, i know. I bet this is not like a new word for you but heyyy there’s something you need to know more about this, because Google would only define PMS as boring as this:

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a combination of symptoms that many women get about a week or two before their period. Most women, over 90%, say they get some premenstrual symptoms, such as bloating, headaches, and moodiness.

This is yes, correct, but did you know that the symptoms, most especially moodiness, doesn’t only happen a week or two before our monthly visit? The fact of the matter is, it happens to our well being with no time frame, with irregular schedules, and no whatsoever reminder that we’re already PMSing. Even the “P” that stands for “pre”, also stands for “post” at times. We find this annoying too, just as much as you do, because there are times we find ourselves in deep loneliness (sometimes crying) over something uncertain. This is weird, we know that, but you have to understand that it ain’t easy. To be a woman of moodswings, that is.

So men, forgive us, if we shouted at you and started a fight you with little to no valid reason. We don’t really want to, but the abrupt changes in our body on a monthly basis is really devastating thus making our hormones go wild that creates some sort of an imbalance. This triggers the rage and the fury as our emotions go crazy. We don’t usually admit these things to you, out of fear of sounding weak, or just because we think you won’t understand. But seriously though, we got this. We’ve taken it all in and accepted this as a part of us, being ruled mostly by our Amygdala, with little control of it.

Acceptance is the key to simplify our complexity. As contradicting as it may seem, but if you really want to understand a woman’s brain, you have to be extra patient with us and in return, we’ll be all-out with you in terms of love.

Women will never stop PMSing, even until we reach the inexorable stage of menopausing. We are created to be an epitome of ambivalence, with a mind full of emotional fluctuations like the stock market. But nevertheless, we’re not using this as an excuse to have the license to start a fight from nothing but pure moodswinging, but for you to have a broad understanding of this flaw and to make you realize that despite this inevitable situation, we can rather compensate through our sweet gestures and sincere expression of tender love and care. 😉

Ps. Survival tip: When we’re going crazy, a kiss on the forehead and a tight hug is all we need to stay calm. No words—just these sweet gestures will be enough to make us feel safe.