Awakening the evil

img_3248-4“You’re crazy to think there’s love in between all of this. You’re completely out of your mind. It’s merely a sexual desire, don’t you see?”

Face still straight and emotionless, the Psychoweirdo uttered these words that has probably shattered Ben’s hope. She wasn’t lying, although she’s quite bothered with the way this guy treats her, she’s 100% sure it’s not love. How can someone know of something she hasn’t felt ever, neither received from anyone, nor is present even in her own self? Isn’t that ludicrous?

Ben stood up, opened the bottle of Scotch resting at the table and poured some in his glass. He walked slowly towards the window, in deep thought, but his eyes were lost in oblivion. He could feel the rage firing up inside him whilst he hears his alter-ego that poisons his head, telling him how much of a loser he is, presenting all his regrets at the core of his mind. Regret? Perhaps yes, he regrets that he left his family for this woman of magical charm–he was blind enough to see the scars concealed pretty well in her porcelain skin. And yes, crazy enough to think that this crazy woman will eventually fall for him. He drank all the scotch left in the glass he’s holding and firmly said,

“Ash, I am crazy about you and you’re mine!”

As he declared, Ash saw a flash of demonic fire burning in his eyes, which is not too foreign to her. She has seen this before, roughly around a decade ago, when his foster father raped her, multiple times before she was able to escape. All the unpleasant scenes she has buried in the micro deepest layer of her memory has emerged and evolved into a fresh huge monster that in that very second has made her ill, making her want to run away again forever.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re done. I’m leaving.” she hastily picked up her bag and almost made her way out when Ben grasped her by the wrist, shut the door and said, “I’m afraid that’s not gonna happen.”

With his strong built, he pushed his body towards hers, her right cheek pressed in the back of the door like what a policeman does when they catch a criminal. With both her hands in his possession, she could hardly move, it seems like the flashbacks from ten years ago weakened her knees, she’s nearly vulnerable and almost ready to yield.

“You’re hurting me! Let me go!” shouted Ash, as she tried to fight back the weight of Ben’s body that’s hindering her to run away.

Pain suddenly disrupted her brain. Not the physical one she currently feels (’cause that’s way more tolerable), but the pain from the darkest places she’s been in the past that she never wished to see again. After a few seconds, she smelled the stinky odour of the past that was too familiar to her senses, when the man behind her said them words that her father used to say…

“How about we play some games first?”



This is a continuation to The Psychoweirdo fiction series. For the previous parts, click on the links below.

A Psychoweirdo

The Psychoweirdo’s voice

The Psychoweirdo’s voice Part 2

Psychoweirdo is back!

The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ash–as human, and a woman.


The Psychoweirdo’s charm

Ben was bewildered by the silent scene he just witnessed right before his very eyes. It almost felt like he’s in a movie wherein two girls are about to fight over him, which made him feel a bit proud of himself, that added some dose of pride and confidence in his Alpha soul. He scratched the daydreaming after realising that this ain’t a movie at all, it was real life. His wife Abby is standing right next to his mistress who happened to be a sin he would never regret of committing. Ash has exceeded the definition of perfection—who is gifted with such undeniably seducing soul, with those brown eyes that speaks of lust, a body that shouts of warmth and home, hair that smells of lilies in full bloom and a sweet voice that mimics of Jazz on a sad solitary night. He must be crazy, he thought. Whatever it is, he knows for a fact that a woman like this is almost impossible to even exist, like a gem that can only be found in the dark abyss of ocean and seas.

“What is going on in here? Abby, let’s go home now, I’ll explain everything…” said Ben, who suddenly dropped the paperbag of Japanese food he bought at Yabu Restaurant as he rapidly reached out for his wife’s hands so he can escort her out of the house. But he reckoned it’s not possible, with Abby’s face that threatens of a quick death, by the way her features instantly transformed in mere seconds. A pair of fire emojis replaced her once angelic eyes, at least to his imagination, that made him sweat like he just lifted a 300 lbs of weights, non-stop.

Abby slightly moved back from her standing position as she peered at Ben with sheer rage, then she shoo him away in the most brutal way possible, as he attempts to hold her and lead her out of the house.

“No, i need explanation NOW!!! You fuckin’ tell me what’s going on and why the fuck are you cheating with me and how long has this been going on?!??! Fuckin’ tell me ’cause I fuckin’ deserve to know!!!!!” she stated hysterically, losing all the poise a legal wife should have. She just lost it, she couldn’t help it.

Ash nonchalantly held and opened up her tiny jar by the coffee table that contains sweets and gums and grabbed a strawberry flavored gum she calmly put into her mouth, as she watches this familiar boring movie that’s making her nearly sleepy. She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned her back against the wall as she chews and pops the gum in her mouth, in a sexy manner every man would absolutely get turned on, even just on the chewing act alone. The Psychoweirdo didn’t say a word—her presence is enough to overrule the heated ambiance these overly dramatic Asian people created in her place. Fuck off, she thought.

Ben tried to carry his petite wife like a child, regardless of her violent protest with the act, scandalous cussing and crazy shouting. Notwithstanding Abby’s size, she was able to get off of him as she scratched him hard with her witch-like long nails and as she bit his arm that left a mark that is almost about to bleed. She didn’t wanna lose, no matter how ridiculous the scene she’s creating, she didn’t mind. She needs an answer, Ben needs to choose between her and this whore.

“OK! I will leave this filthy house, but you have to choose between me or your mistress. Tell me, who would you pick? Your wife who have loved you for years or this bitch you barely know?! Tell me! Fuckin’ decide NOW!” she threatened Ben, whilst pointing to Ash, confident enough that he’s going to choose her, ’cause she’s the legal wife, the right owner of Ben.

Ash wasn’t bothered by the wife’s threat, she cared less about losing Ben, but she knows she was the best in bed, by far. She’s thinking hard as she looks at Ben, trying to send a captivating message through her eyes—to stay and choose her. She’s not sure yet, but she wants to be chosen, perhaps it was her ego or maybe it was also because she was truly hooked by this guy’s inexplicable hotness.

Ben didn’t know how to reply, he’s both shocked and frightened. What is he supposed to do now?

To be continued…

A woman’s edge (Part 3)

Ryan turned right at Buick St and stopped by the big blue house. I asked the Taxi driver to please be patient with me and promised him that I will double the fare just so I can find out who that bitch is. My heart is pounding like the feeling you get when you continuously ran for 10 miles. I truly wish this would be over soon. My life in general boldly sucks from the recent miscarriage and now I’m about to have a “mismarriage”. There’s no such word like that, I know, but I’d like to think that could best describe the current situation I’m in with my husband. I waited for like 10 minutes but it seemed like forever to me. My husband didn’t go out of his car and it seems like he’s waiting for his girl to come out of that house so they could go to their tryst, most probably. The thought of it ripples my soul and every bits of it.

When the gate opened, my heart suddenly stopped beating with what I saw. Shit! Does this mean my instinct is wrong all along? I mean, how could a woman commit such a mistake? A woman’s instinct is a woman’s edge from men, I suppose. But now the strong throbbing of my heart has come to a full stop. What if he’s not cheating and I was wrong?

A white blond buff man in a light green polo shirt came out of the house and jumped in the passenger seat of my husband’s car. I know all of Ryan’s friends because he only has a few hence I was somehow surprised to see that he has a new friend. They probably have met in the gym, with the physique of that guy that kind of resembles my husband’s. My instinct was disturbed for quite some time but the worry is still there. I couldn’t seem to delete the idea of him cheating on me, because my heart says he IS cheating on me.

Ryan’s car is not fully tinted thus I can see clearly despite the roughly 100 meter distance that they’re talking about something, I reckon it’s something serious. Does this guy know my husband’s secret about his affair?

I instructed the driver to come a little closer but he refused saying they might figure out we’ve been following and watching them. The driver kind of irritated me but I ignored him and I just contemplated if I would show my face and create a scene or just wait til something interesting pops out. In the next 20 long minutes, nothing happened. I was getting impatient I wanted to go home and maybe just forget about it. But something dramatic happened. It’s when the guy was about to get off the car that made my heart throb faster this time. The guy wasn’t able to get off it because my husband grabbed him by the arm and seemed to like beg him to stay. So the guy closed the door again and followed Ryan’s demand. I can see it vividly that Ryan is now shoving his body closely to the guy as he was holding him tight, his face near his, seemed like he was trying to apologize for him as the guy looks enraged, looking away from my husband. When Ryan finally convinced him, they suddenly hugged in a very awkward way a man should do. It was a total feeling of disgust when after that unpleasant hugging moment, the two of them kissed like two lovers who make up after a fight. I looked down for a second whilst both my hands covered my head, my elbows against my thighs and as I look up again they were still kissing I almost puked seeing such a gay movie of someone I loved so much, who now realized he prefers the same sex.

Without thinking, I hastily went out and banged Ryan’s car and ruined their perfect moment. I couldn’t cry anymore this time because my heart is now filled with utter betrayal it has made me numb and careless enough to create a such a scene. Both of them got out of the car almost at the same time and my husband ran to me and held my hands. I took it off him as fast as I could and allowed the right hand to slap it straight and hard onto his thick dirty face. The guy was shocked when he witnessed what I did to my husband and I thought he deserved one as well so I gave him a punch in the face, his nose bled with so much pain. I looked at them furiously with a witch kind of smile on my face and spat in front of them and then walked away.


A Psychoweirdo

Ash is a sucker for the bad guys.

She paradoxically falls quick into their traps yet she loves it.

Because then she could also lure them to want her more, so she can jail their hearts in her spell and make them think she’s vulnerable, without knowing they’re the ones being poisoned with her seducing soul.

She enjoys the idea of hanging on the edge of the unknown with no label.

She prefers being involved in a married man—she likes the thought of wrecking homes, of breaking them wives’ hearts.

She knows it’s insanely peculiar but she finds so much fun with it.

She’s not fond of commitment, not even a believer of love.

She’s been living all by herself now for 15 years, after being abandoned by her biological parents and after she escaped from the foster parents she truly detested when she was 12.

Since then she has lived on her own.

Playing around her boys in every city she gets to live in.

Ash needs to move from one place to another, maximum of three months per state or country, so all her illegal hacking jobs won’t be busted and most importantly… so that she can search for new fresh meats of different race and color.

She’s highly independent that being with someone longer than two months is a big No-No!

She couldn’t take it, she rapidly gets sick of one and move on to the next.

Her attention span with these guys is really short despite the fact that it makes her happy.

Yes, the bad guys make her happy, especially if the sex is good.

She can make them go wild and crazy.

She has this innate charm that makes her irresistible. Her tattooless body says it all.

But once she’s done with it, once she has shattered their lives, it makes her way happier.

Ash is disturbingly crazy, she’s completely aware of it, but she didn’t bother changing her views just to be accepted by the world.

She doesn’t like to live normally, never a fan of rules.

She has never abided in anything but her own dirty strange urges to get touched by a variety of bad guys and to smash their hearts with her invisible evil strength.


(Photo credit to the owner)

A woman’s edge (Part 1)

It’s 7:06 in the morning and we started the day bickering. Good way to start the day, ain’t it? My stupid husband hated confrontations he usually walks out to evade emotional arguments like this. I was crying, I couldn’t help it. He witnessed my sobbing but he still managed to walk out like he always do, grabbed his car keys and left me with his deep sigh of anger. Does he really understand what I am going through? I know how much he suffered too–from our three consecutive loss. Yes, I got conceived because of his f–cking sperm but it was me who felt them in my womb, they were inside me, they were a part of who I am and I was supposed to be their protector. But damn it, I failed. Don’t you know how hard it is to know we have created an angel, three angels in fact, but we lost all of them in the process of letting them stay in me for 9 months?!

Yes you heard it, I had a miscarriage three times in a row and that made me second guess the idea of living. I hated myself, I hated Ryan, I hated my job—and everything else. I’ve been on and off from being completely happy. The latest miscarriage was the hardest part because he stayed in my womb for 107 days and I prayed everyday to the Lord and promised Him I’ll surrender everything to Him in exchange to this tiny gift—but He didn’t. It was absolutely terrifying, because due to this unlucky life of being an “almost mother”, my now catastrophic marriage might also make me an “almost wife” soon.

I’ve been so hard on him, I’m aware of that. But you can’t blame me. The pain that has built up inside me has almost eaten up my whole being. Ryan would try endlessly to turn me on, but I just can’t do it no more. It’s not because I ceased loving him, because I still love him despite what’s been happening. It’s merely hard to explain, I reckon it’s because the fear of losing has already overruled my brain.

My husband Ryan is an introvert so he doesn’t literally say everything that’s on his mind, but he knows well how to showcase it, unlike my innate personality of being so honest and straightforward. He always have something going on in his mind—especially these past few days. I started seeing this odd behaviour when I noticed him bringing his phone with him most of the time. Yesterday he took such a long time inside the shower and it sent some queer signals to my brain, something’s changed in him, I thought. He also seems so pre-occupied lately, like his attention has partly drifted away from a far away land. I felt like he’s hiding something. What if he’s cheating?

I could hardly sleep last night because I’ve been overthinking his sudden change of behaviour. Even the way he sleeps now has changed. His body’s lying against the mattress, sided on the left, facing away from me. All i can see is his back full of hard muscles ’cause he’s been going in the gym lately as well, he said it’s his way of holding up from the tragedy. He’s looking so macho though, I figured I forgot to look at my husband this way, it’s been a long time since. I brushed off the revived attraction I felt and focused on the messages of my instincts again. I got up from our bed, trying not to make a sound so he wouldn’t wake up. I need to feed answers to the long list of negative questions in my head.

What if I’m right? What if he met a hot girl from the gym and he’s having sex with her already? Ughhh scratch it.

I can’t have this unwanted thoughts linger whilst I’m trying to get hold of his Iphone—I need to put things together and stay focused on my plan. I searched for his phone on his table, and then in his drawers, (which is weird i know), and I even looked at his bag despite the tiny chance of finding it there. Where is he hiding it? It took me almost 15 minutes of seeking, and then viola! I found it! Why did he has to put it under his pillow though? Hmm. My heart doubled its beat when I held his phone and it tripled when my fingerprint isn’t a match anymore. Ugh. I wanted to punch this bastard now! But nooo, I need to stay composed and focused on this. I put 111185 for the passcode since it’s his birthday but it didn’t push through. I tried my birthday, 091990, but failed again. Entered a couple more combinations—our anniversary, the day we met, the first time I got pregnant—until the phone got blocked. Shit! I wanted to throw his phone for being too mad but I refrained myself from doing so and decided to scrutinise his things instead. I found his laptop and tried to open it. It’s requiring a freaking password again! Oh no, nevermind. I decided to stop this crazy agenda and returned the laptop back to its bag. Before I can manage to fully zip the laptop bag, I saw a small black rectangular shaped thing in the side pocket of it. I rapidly held it and to my astonishment — it was an old model of Nokia mobile phone back in the day. This is it. This will end all my worries. I’m sure of it.

As i try to unlock this evil extra phone of my husband that I didn’t know exists, it scandalously beeped twice indicating that the battery is now low. Darn it! My husband suddenly moved and then….

To be continued…